My mother expects to be waited on and is capable of doing things herself. She is constantly asking someone to get her this and that when it's 2 feet away from her chair. I love my mom but she's on my last nerve with this and she's only 71 and can get around as good as anyone. She's very lazy and annoying. I live with her bc she wants a caretaker but isn't sick. I want to move out but she depends on my help with rent and makes me feel bad if I mention it. She has a husband and she does the same to him he has to do his own laundry and cook his own meals most of the time bc she just won't do anything including shower more than once every week or 2. She did get sick a month ago and was in the hospital for a bladder infection and since she's been out it's gotten worse. I don't know what to do should I stay or should I go before she gets worse and makes our relationship suffer and me not like her.
Whether or not you choose to change your life is up to you. You're a grownup. You have made poor decisions here that have had a bad impact on both your lives. I would consider seeing a good cognitive therapist (none of that online nonsense) in the New Year to comb out what goals you have for the rest of your life. It will take great courage now to move out on your own with your own life. I wish you the very best of luck.
Quietly make plans to move out. She can't manipulate you if you don't tell her your intentions. You can help her find and apply for section 8 housing. She can get food stamps. If she's older than 67-1/2 she can start collecting social security and make sure she's enrolled in Medicare. She can apply for Medicaid if she starts to have health problems.
Please read the many other posts on this forum under the topic Burnout. If you saty, your resentment will just grown and your relationship will deteriorate while your struggle to retain your mental health. You must move out before things get worse.
It will be hard for a while, she will pull out all the manipulation stops but you know it is all just hot gas so ignore all of it. Just smile and redirect the conversation. If she can't be happy for your, she's a crappy Mother.
You're not responsible for her happiness. We don't get to chose our family members but we do get to chose how much we interact with them. Chose a better, healthier life for yourself. You will still be able to see your Mom if you want. And you can leave the minute she starts to manipulate you.
Also please consider some therapy so that you can identify and defend healthy boundaries. If your Mom can manipulate you, so can others. This would be a disaster for your life. I wish you all the best and peace in your heart as you seek to live a healthy, normal life.
Now that doesn't mean that I recommend continuing to stay with her, as you deserve to have your own life, plus she has a husband who can still take care of her.
You are NOT your parents keeper!!!
The fact that you moved in with them knowing that neither of them really needed care, tells me that there's more to this story and that you are in some way benefiting from living there as well.
There really isn't anything healthy about living with ones parents when you're an adult, so start packing your bags today, and get out.
And if your parents need help in the future they can move into an assisted living facility where they will be around other folks their own age and get all the help they need, and you can just be their advocate and child and not their burned out aggravated caregiver.
It's a win win for all involved.
a second job if you need to. Right now, tell her you’re not going to continue to be at her beck & call.
- Next time around you say that ‘I will try to see that you have good care until you die’.
- Next time you also realise that she is going to die anyway, you aren’t going to cause it, and you will then have to cope with any grief you feel.
‘Promises’ are like wedding vows. They don’t stop you getting a divorce.
Now, its a good time to figure out what the change needs to be.
If they depend on you for rent , they need to downsize to something they can afford .
This will only get worse as your mother is willingly causing a decline and going to need care . She assumes you are her servant .
Find a place to live ( with a roommate if needed) . Once you have it set up, tell Mom you need your own place , and you are moving out . Good Luck .