Mom is 87 years old, and she was an entrepreneur, i.e. real estate broker, real estate investor, restaurant owner, beauty parlor owner, owned several group homes, mobile clothing store and an antique shop. She says she's purchasing all of this furniture to sell on the internet. She doesn't even know how to operate her cell phone. She is not technology proficient. She's independent, lives alone and instead of downsizing her home, she upsized. Her home is about 6, 000 square feet!!
Regardless of how successful mom once was, dementia is an equal opportunity disease. Even the smartest people on earth aren't spared from dementia.
A forum of folks from around the world cannot tell you why mom is buying all this furniture, but a doctor can. Get her in for a full physical and cognitive workup asap.
Good luck.
Obtaining items, keeping things, hoarding can all be part of dementia.
If she has not been diagnosed it might be time to get her to a neurologist or Neuropsychologist and find out what is going on.
If she does have dementia you or someone will have to step in and stop the spending. She will need her assets for her care probably sooner rather than later.
This may be difficult for her to process that he is no longer in control. She seems like she was/is a very independent woman with a good business mind and it is difficult to begin to realize that is no longer who you are.
And it may be to the point where she is no longer safe to live alone and that she is not as "independent" as she thinks she is (nor as independent as you might think she is...sorry)
I believe that is called hoarding which of course is a mental illness and sounds like perhaps she may have some dementia going on as well. Not a good combination.
She more than likely should NOT be living by herself anymore, nor should she be allowed to buy any more furniture.
And I'm not suggesting that she live with you, far from it, but perhaps a nice assisted living facility where only so much furniture is allowed.
Hopefully you or some other family member is her POA, as it sounds like she needs someone now to look out for her and what's in her best interest.
Anyway, you would think your Mom would be planning ahead like she did with her other ventures... Has she discussed with you how she is going to "ship" that furniture to the Buyer? Shipping is so very expensive. For myself, just shipping 5 3-ring binder books filled with material cost me over $30. And what if the Buyer lives out of the county?
Now, if your Mom isn't developing dementia, then she can do what she wants with her money. But she needs to watch out for scams that exist big-time on internet selling sites. One scam is that a buyer will mail a check in a larger amount than the purchase item, and ask for her to mail them a check for the remainder, then their check will bounce. Some buyers may say they will send her funds using Apple Pay, Pay-pal, Google Pay, Venmo, Zelle, and even cryptocurrency. Whole different world from cash, check, and credit card.
Now, if a doctor finds that your Mom is starting to develop dementia, whomever is the financial Power-of-Attorney can put a limit on Mom's credit card for purchases. One can even put a limit on checking account.
Is there another person in her life influencing this behavior? With the size home she has, I would guess that there must be a housekeeper, and maybe even a gardener and cook.
Is she charging all this furniture on her credit cards? You might want to see how much debt she has accrued.
Are you Mom's POA? You need to know her income and her expenses and make sure she is not putting herself in financial jeopardy.
I wish you all the best!
If she can't use her cell phone, how would she notify someone if she fell down or suddenly became very ill? She needs a way to communicate with the world. And if she can't use a cell phone, I suspect that forgetting how to use a landline is not far behind. If she can't use either of those, she's not a likely candidate for the 'I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP' pendant.
Find some nice independent-to-skilled-nursing facilities where she'll have a continuum of care. If you don't have POA, she should grant it to you before she's diagnosed with dementia. Then you can start selling the furniture and get the house on the market. At age 87, she's going to keep declining, so be ready. I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this.
When she is declared by a doctor to be incompetent, meaning she can no longer make decisions for herself, her POA can then call the shots.
Make sure she signs paperwork assigning a POA, if she has not done so already.
While you're at it, make sure she has a will and has named an executor. At some point in the future, when she dies, or is placed in a care facility, someone, and that may be you, will have to go through and dispose of all her "stuff". And that may be a bother for you. But, if she is capable of living independently now, the fact that it bothers you should not stop her from doing what makes her happy.
Some of us are good at entertaining ourselves. We have hobbies, we read, we do volunteer work. Some people just don't do those things. Mom probably wakes up every day needing something to do. She has created a new business, even if it is only in her mind. She really doesn't see or care that this will all fall on you one day. That's then, and she is alive now. She needs this to feel alive.
Since Mom obviously has money, here is a suggestion: Get her traveling. Get her a passport and book a wonderful cruise, or other trip if she doesn't like the sea. As soon as she gets home, start her looking for her next "vacation." I suggest cruises because they offer lots of social interaction and lots of different activities. There is no cooking or cleaning to do. It might even be less expensive than Mom's current lifestyle! It is even possible to live on a cruise ship by booking consecutive, extended travel dates. Just make sure all of her paperwork is organized before she jet-sets away!
If she were my mother:
- I would be very concerned with her living along.
- I'd talk to her medical provider about medical assessment.
Educate yourself on dementia - even if she isn't diagnosed with it and/or unable to care for her own welfare and needs. Clearly, she is not making sensible decisions - so this is a major red flag.
* Google Teepa Snow: watch her webinars, You Tubes, free information. I took Teepa's webinars for two years.
* Buy a book or two on dementia.
* She likely will be very reluctant to make any changes (as) she is used to managing ('as she is') on her own. It is not easy to give up independence. Elders with cognitive functioning issues will fight with everything they have to maintain as they are - even if it isn't in their best interest / welfare. In fact, they won't be able to 'see' / understand what is needed or in their best interest. They do not want to relinquish their independence as they perceive it.
- You cannot talk reason or logic to a person with changing brain chemistry / losing brain cells. Although it depends on how far along a person is. This is why you need to get her medically assessed.
You need to understand what is going on with her.
If I were you, I would be with her for a week or two and observe her.
I wouldn't question her in ways that would set up defensive / protective behavior. You need to know what is going on.
"If" you can make an MD appt., tell her you're taking her out for an outing (and after appt do that)
OR
Tell her it is an annual exam - nothing to be concerned or worried about.
Any little thing may set her off.
You first need to have her evaluated medically and then be sure you have all the legal documents in order - so you can / will have the ability to make decisions on her behalf when she isn't able to - which might be now.
Gena / Touch Matters
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