Worried my mom had her big toe amputated and part of her foot amputated on March 7th. They are planning discharge but she has no care. Any advice?

I know i need to take care of myself why can’t i do it am i just punishing myself that i can’t say no to my mom yes she has always had a way of making me strive to make her proud of me I had the idea that I had to look good be thin straight a striving to be perfect and to make her happy while I was growing up I posted before that she took me to weight watchers when I was 10 I have dealt with anorexia for almost 40 years my husband saved my life and leaving and going to college also was freedom for the first time I didn’t have to be perfect even though my brother holds it over my head if I hadn’t left I would probably be dead I never wanted to disappoint her and as I was growing up my dad was with other women see my brother died at 9 years old a year before I was born and I think that tore them apart and I took on the role of making her happy and at the same time trying to get my daddy’s attention by doing things like baseball and band and so forth so she turned to me there were times she would tell me all there problems I grew up fast and the weird thing was I always defended him I would tell her that I cannot hear these things I know my daddy was also proud of me my mom had a hell of a life I remember wanting them to just get a divorce I asked her once why she stayed she said she loved him and no one else was going to raise her children and he was never going to get half of what was hers but it was my dads family farm so it was her choice when I was organizing her paperwork I found this note that this woman sent her saying do you know what your husband is doing when he goes to the mall and he doesn’t love you he stays with you so you can take care of his parents and his children he is wild bill I just cried how cruel can someone be and part of it was true that’s what she did my dad played in a band every Saturday night she stopped going because he didn’t even talk to her or if he did all he did was make a fool out of her he distroyed her self esteem but she stayed my brother was there for all of it he always would say though that Dad didn’t want him and it was true but now he was a great father but he said the other day Larry was daddy’s little boy and penny was daddy’s little girl but I was no ones he is 57 years old sorry back to me I don’t want her to be all alone all she ever knew was being a wife my dad was her whole life from 15 years old until 80 my brother has abandoned her and I knew I have to take care of myself but why can’t I do it am I punishing myself and then my parents where old school children are supposed to take care their parents they stop their lives they don’t put them in a nursing home I know i am the only one that can do anything about it I am the one with no quality of life my husband is so understanding but we miss each other so much but we work together to take care of both parents I think my brother is acting like a child and he needs to start taking responsibility for his life and stop blaming her for everything I just can’t do it I have been home actually since April 5 th my husband and I went to see her April 9 th and 16 th on his days off again sorry for being so wordy I am stuck

This why I say that staffbull should head home and take care of herself.

" I have said before that I struggle with anorexia and I have chronic pain due to a disease of my pancreas pancreatic divisium "

And this is why you can not have the stress of dealing with your mother AND now you have an ailing FIL about to move in with you?

You are going to kill yourself with this stress.

Why is your brother getting 270 acres plus and you only get 10 acres? (Let's assume the dilapidated house isn't worth much.)

I totally agree that the farm should be used to take care of her but I am afraid she will never agree to that she wants to make sure we get it when she passes she is actually doing better and we did win her second appeal so we are good for until we get another letter which will probably be soon now my brother has blocked her phone number he will go bilistic if she has to sell anything he has wanted that farm signed over to him for years funny thing he said I have so much going on with my father in law too and I am poa for medical and the same person cannot be both really what does durable power of attorney mean then he wanted to be her financial poa there is no way in hell she would agree to that she said I wish they loved me not my money he is so upset about my daddy’s will he is taking it out on her in her will she is giving him all 270 acres minus my 10 acres and my moms house yet he wants that too he said I can live in the house and use the pasture and he will pay my taxes I brought up what if there is a fight oh that won’t happen yet he blocked my phone number after my daddy’ died he just unblocked it in February He tried to get the farm signed over to him in 2015 and he said you trust me to give you what you want i said what if there is a fight sure enough not even three months later look what happened she was going to pay for four nights until she was supposed to be done with her antibiotics she asked me what he says it doesn’t effect him it effects me and her I don’t know what to do anymore now my father in law has swollen feet and he is also going to be moving in with us sooner than later

This is difficult for you I know. Often (matter of fact most) of the time with amputation of the toes/foot your mother will be non weight bearing to that foot, so it’s hard to really do much PT. When it heals she will need to be taught how to transfer, bathe, etc by OT & PT that can be ordered for home care. If she has osteomyelitis (infection of the bone as well) it often takes months of antibiotic therapy to eradicate it.
I would as someone stated above, speak to the social worker as it sounds like she will need skilled nursing in a NH if she can’t go home now. They can’t keep a rehab bed open as it may be needed by other patients, so most likely they will transfer to NH.
With her assets it may be private pay as with her $3 million dollar farm she may not be eligible for Medicaid and Medicare won’t pay for long term nursing home.
So again you should be having conversations with the discharge planner/social worker at her current rehab. Hopefully they have another part of the center designated NH; if not the SW will find her one. It’s best to get her paperwork ready as someone has to pay & I don’t think she will qualify for Medicaid. The farm may have to be sold to pay for her care & that’s a reality.
Your brother will have to step up & communicate with the rehab center if you can’t.
As far as your mother’s home it doesn’t sound like anyone is upkeeping it with repairs, etc & if it’s too much for her and you now say she can’t be discharged to home, then maybe it’s best to sell the farm.
So...prioritize & get her admitted the a NH for skilled care. Or use her $3 million dollar farm to fund care for her at home.

Staffbull. I think the thing for you is to go home and take care of your health.

YOU can't care for mom. If you're not there, the rehab will figure out pretty quickly that they need to get the state involved in her care.

TALK TO THE SOCIAL WORKER in her current facility and explain what her home situation is like. If your Mom doesn't have monthly income to cover nursing care, talk about medicaid (not medicare). They will pay for nursing care and attach a lien to the farm equal to the costs of her nursing care.