Hey everyone,
I haven’t been a very active member here, and have disappeared lately, and wanted to update why; I got a puppy! Well… 1 yr. old… it seemed (maybe still is ) an act of insanity, but since my father passed, over 8 years my mother outlived 3 aunts, two uncles, 3 dear family friends, a best friend before my father, and then my beloved dog. Throughout it all my mother’s care has dominated my mental energy. I was sick and tired of all the loss. So I said to heck with it, if my life is chaos might as well embrace it, and adopted a very large, friendly, active, floofy pup. All extra time goes to him. He is my pride and joy :)
Second part of my update is my mother passed away this month. Won’t go into details but it happened so fast she passed hours before the hospice evaluation appointment. It was a decent passing for her, and now I am in the midst of all the Stuff to Do. More to say on that, but you guys get it.
This forum has been INVALUABLE to me. I can’t say I contributed much, but I can say that as someone w/ADHD and some dyslexia, elder care management has been a cognitive nightmare but I’ve done a good job all things considered. Not ‘poor me’ at all, best way to think of this situation is to imagine someone with color blindness being told they have to put together a red and green picture puzzle. Not impossible but a ton of extra effort. In any case I found a couple of things that helped me manage the adhd/dyslexia vs. elder care management, if anyone needs to know.
Excuse the long post but I just wanted to check in. I know we are all here due to complicated and often odious circumstances. Together our shared experiences matter. Blessings to all!
PS and now I am off to a puppy play date. Hallelujah!
May you receive healing and comfort as you move through your grief. I know your new puppy buddy will brings lots of much-needed unconditional love and joy.
I think Im okay but what I am really struggling with is the lack of outreach by friends and relatives. Don’t get me wrong - I don’t want attention due to my mom, or anyone else passing. It’s the acknowledgement. For me, just a few second phone message and ‘condolences’ is fine. Once news got out I got zero phone calls from friends. One call from one relative. I did get a couple cards from a friend and a relative which I REALLY appreciate, and my partner has been AWESOME. But I have to say that being ghosted by near everyone has been gutting. It was like this with my dad, but even worse with mom. I really despair at our modern, ‘connected society. One feels very truly alone, or at least ones circle is much much smaller than one thinks.
So I really appreciate you asking, and this forum. Bless you!
I have to admit I’ve hardly dealt with everything with anything resembling grace…I’ve definitely lost it more than a few times. And also losing it over the intensive post-death tasks and arrangements. People keep saying, ‘ take your time and grieve’ and then you get handed 10000 things you HAVE to do. The thought of arranging a memorial is feeling like putting together a red and green picture puzzle and I’m colorblind, and…there’s no picture, just very abstract shapes. It’s a nightmare for my brain.
But I have discovered the healing magic in the SIMPLEST of things; reading a sci-fi book, smelling flowers , lately smelling Xmas trees…grabbing onto any moment like that has seen me through and will continue to do so.
And then there’s the big things, like puppies!
Thank you all for ‘getting it’, this place has been a real refuge from the sheer malarkey I’ve been told over these years. I hope everyone can grab joyful moments, teeny and small and medium and large and jumbo. Blessings!
As volunteers with a large breed rescue, we say “Yay you!” for adopting a young floof.
My condolences on the passing of your mom. You were a great daughter to her and should be so proud of your efforts on her behalf.
Bless you and keep us updated on your life, my friend.
All the best.
And I'm sure your large, "floofy pup" has a lot to do with that.
Whatever it takes right?
Congratulations on the new puppy, Im sure he/she ( I didn't see if you said the gender) will keep you very busy, and fill some of the additional time you now have to fill, now that moms gone.
Im sorry for the loss of your mother. It sounds like you have had some years of additional losses and difficulties and appreciate the comfort you are sharing with us. Thank you for letting us know you are doing OK and I am hoping that you and your new fluff are on your way to a long lasting friendship. God bless and thank you again for giving comfort about getting through the hard times.