I’m getting input from the facility, from hospice, from insurance - all from their own perspectives of course. I understand as POA the decision about how to proceed is mine but could use some advice from people with experience and no agenda. Please (heart failure; hx of stroke, bypass).
I am so grateful for all of you who have listened to me through this and given me the benefit of your experience, comfort and strength. You’ve set me back on course when I was veering and encouraged me when I was feeling defeated. Most important, you helped me to prepare for his decline and set up my life without my provider and protector. I made a few mistakes along the way but, oh, they would have been so much worse without you!
I have some questions about my husband’s last couple of days as well as his actual passing and I know I can come to you when I’m ready to ask them.
Thank you with all of my broken heart.
(I want to add that I know how hard it is to choose do nothing, even when you know there is nothing else you can do)
With advanced dementia he probably will not do well with anesthesia.
(Do his doctors even think he is a candidate for surgery given his medical history?)
With advanced dementia he probably will not be able to participate in rehab.
He probably, even with surgery to repair the fracture not walk again.
He will be at higher risk for pressure wounds.
Once he has surgery (if this is your decision) he can then qualify for Hospice.
Without surgery he will probably survive not much more than 6 to 9 months. Honestly with surgery it would probably be about the same since he would be very limited in his activities and would probably be in wheelchair or bed. (due to the fact that he probably would not do well in rehab)
I said for years when I had to make tough decisions for my Husband I was ruled by 2 major organs.
My head
My heart.
I could only hope that my head would rule on the important decisions like the one you have to make.
I can tell you in your situation I would opt NOT to have the surgery done.
My Aunt did not seem to be in pain unless she attempted to stand and walk (which she wasn't able to do well prior, hence her falling when unsupported). She was not going to die imminently from any other health issue. She probably would have gone back home where she'd continue to fall.
If I were in your situation I would not have the surgery (because there are risks with the anesthesia, risks from infections, risks that he won't keep the IVs in, etc) and he probably wouldn't cooperate with the rehab.
I take it that without the surgery he will be bedbound. I agree that comfort and pain control is what now needs to be the priority, not his mobility. Is he even considered a candidate for the surgery with heart failure? FYI my Aunt's surgeon told me bluntly that they only like to take on patients with best chances of good outcomes because it impacts their own ratings.
I wish you clarity, wisdom and peace in your heart no matter what you decide for him.
I don’t know how Medicare Advantage Plan work for bereavement counseling.
Your husband is at peace now.
I’m sure he would say that you did a great job , your best in such a heartbreaking journey . He was grateful for your love and care , even if he could not tell you so . Cherish good memories.
((((Hugs)))
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