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I’m sorry you’re witnessing such a sad time. My mother died after a series of strokes. The signs of end of life our family was told to look for were three things 1) stopping communicating 2) stopping all eating and 3) sleeping a much deeper than normal sleep. These proved to be very true. Even after my mother had no calories at all, and slept continuously, she lived a full three weeks. She was comfortable and peaceful in this time. Hospice should be a guide for you, rely on their experience and advice. I wish you peace in this hard time
As long as your mother is eating and drinking, she will continue on for a while. It's usually when one stops eating and drinking completely that death will come sooner than later, or if she were to have another stroke. My late husband was completely bedridden and under hospice care in our home for the last 22 months of his life and he didn't eat for 41 days and didn't drink anything for about 25 days before he finally died. It was very difficult to witness for sure. I would just tell you to enjoy whatever time you may have left with your mother and make sure that you leave nothing left unsaid.
Depgnp, there's no way for anyone to know. I know the waiting and wondering is the hardest part of this.
Not wanting your mom to go but at the same time, wanting her at peace, wanting it to be over, and right now time and life on the outside world is just at a stand still.
I have found “Hospice Nurse Julie” on YouTube to be very comforting. I am no longer anxious about my husband’s death as long as Hospice is involved. She also recently published a book called “Nothing to Fear”. My husband doesn’t qualify for Hospice yet, but if were on it, I would trust their suggestions. As long as your Mom is clean and comfortable I would cut back on her medications and let nature take its course. God bless you both in this transition.
No one should ever cut back on medications without their doctor's advice. Some need to be titrated very carefully where others can be stopped with no side effects. Some work in conjunction with others and would need to be handled together appropriately. Some may be treating issues that provide comfort and may create new issues if cut back inappropriately.
I'm sorry about you mom. Since, she is placed on hospice, the main objective is to keep her comfortable at this point. Find out what their protocol is for eating, medications and such. Talk with a hospice representative at the facility and ask questions.
I don't know. I believe the question is about her quality of life and letting nature take its course. This is hard - declining, dying. What is her cognitive abilities? Mood? You do what you can in each moment, be it touch/massage, smiling. In terms of eating, do / did you try protein drinks with supplements in it - or chocolate - whatever she likes. And would drink.
It is important to remember - or think about her quality of life vs keeping her alive to keep her alive - this may be hard to hear. No one wants a loved one to pass on however we need to put their feelings and needs in front of our own.
I hope that I am not being too brass or direct although I feel it is important to share how I really feel. "Let go and let God" as a saying goes.
And, then - now - take care of yourself.
It certainly isn't easy. I went through a similar situation and I am sure many here do / have. We do the best we can and that is all we can do.
I agree with this: “It is important to remember - or think about her quality of life vs keeping her alive to keep her alive - this may be hard to hear. No one wants a loved one to pass on however we need to put their feelings and needs in front of our own.” My father had dementia, cancer, and other incurable conditions. He told me in January he had a good life and was ready to go. He had lost a lot of weight by then and was diagnosed with adult failure to thrive. We started home hospice. He was barely eating, wanted nothing but one bowl of ice cream per day. He lived another four months and died at 80. I was very grateful for hospice.
My mom (75) with a pretty rare form of breast cancer IBC(now even rarer,it's mets to skin) has been on hospice 7mths. Though not typical in any way it's truly heartbreaking and very difficult to deal with. Not knowing is my daily inner struggle. Yes I too pray this ends soon and peacefully. May you find peace and bless you. Cherish every moment.
This is a question for your hospice team. Only they know how her needs are progressing and will recognize that the body is shutting down. When my father was on hospice, we were provided pamphlets that helped us understand the dying process which better prepared us as we observed the changes. The bottom line is no one can give a direct answer but the hospice team has the proper training. If you feel you are not receiving good communication from your agency you have the right to change as many times as necessary to find the best choice for your mom.
Nobody can answer that. To be on hospice doctors determine a person has less then 6 months to live, but it’s up to god. Have you asked her doctor? The answer would be a guess.
My mother suffered TIAs the last year-plus of her life when she had to stop Coumadin. In the last six months, Mom slept 20 hours daily and ate so little by the last month of her life requiring palliative care. She passed away from congestive heart failure at age 95.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
It's usually when one stops eating and drinking completely that death will come sooner than later, or if she were to have another stroke.
My late husband was completely bedridden and under hospice care in our home for the last 22 months of his life and he didn't eat for 41 days and didn't drink anything for about 25 days before he finally died. It was very difficult to witness for sure.
I would just tell you to enjoy whatever time you may have left with your mother and make sure that you leave nothing left unsaid.
Not wanting your mom to go but at the same time, wanting her at peace, wanting it to be over, and right now time and life on the outside world is just at a stand still.
It's horrible, I'm so sorry, your not alone
I suspect she has been ready for a while, and that's why she wouldnt take her meds.
I believe the question is about her quality of life and letting nature take its course. This is hard - declining, dying.
What is her cognitive abilities? Mood?
You do what you can in each moment, be it touch/massage, smiling.
In terms of eating, do / did you try protein drinks with supplements in it - or chocolate - whatever she likes. And would drink.
It is important to remember - or think about her quality of life vs keeping her alive to keep her alive - this may be hard to hear. No one wants a loved one to pass on however we need to put their feelings and needs in front of our own.
I hope that I am not being too brass or direct although I feel it is important to share how I really feel. "Let go and let God" as a saying goes.
And, then - now - take care of yourself.
It certainly isn't easy. I went through a similar situation and I am sure many here do / have. We do the best we can and that is all we can do.
Gena / Touch Matters
My father had dementia, cancer, and other incurable conditions. He told me in January he had a good life and was ready to go. He had lost a lot of weight by then and was diagnosed with adult failure to thrive. We started home hospice. He was barely eating, wanted nothing but one bowl of ice cream per day. He lived another four months and died at 80. I was very grateful for hospice.
May you find peace and bless you. Cherish every moment.
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