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I am 21 years old. When I was 19 my grandmother suffered a massive stroke which left my mother my legally disabled brother, and myself to care for her. This year I very reluctantly left home for the first time to join an Americorps program that gives me an opportunity to travel, help others, and help obtain some of my future dreams. After being away for a week I rushed home after hearing news that my mother had also suffered a stroke. now my family cares for both her and my grandmother, and it isn't easy. I feel guilty and angry at the fact that I'm 21 and I hardly have time to take care of my hygiene. I get anxious to leave the house because I feel like it's unfair to do anything fun if my family cannot. my mother is losing everything she worked for her whole life because the assistance she gets only covers her mortgage and health insurance costs (she isn't eligible for medicaid/medicare) we can't afford any type of homecare and we are all suffering. To be honest it's too much for me to deal with and i feel like i'm deteriorating in every way possible. I was offered to go back to americorps for the next ten months, and the 21 year old in me knows this is an opportunity i will lose as I grow older and more busy, and also knows that my mom worked hard to give me opportunities. But i can't even leave the house, let alone travel the country without feeling guilty. I already feel like i'm not doing enough. Eventually I'm going to have to choose between myself and my mother who worked herself sick taking care of me. I'm just looking for some advice on the topic. I'm really in need of support.

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to be honest "kid" was comforting. I wish i had the privilege of getting to be one. I've seen therapists to deal with anxiety and depression before and honestly it's never helped me. I try to keep my mom out of everything involving my life to avoid stressing her out. This she overheard from my family who treats her like she doesn't understand anything. But I like what you said. No matter what i do it could either suck or not suck. but that's up to me. I had big dreams, and i was working to make them come true and my mom was very proud of me for getting further than she ever did. ( I live in a very small close minded country town ).that's what she wanted for me, was to make sure i could have more than that. And honestly if i don't do something now i wont ever move on from here. It hurts and feels selfish to think that way. But honestly even if it hurts, It feels like leaving is the only thing that will save my mental health. I'm too young to have a mental break down!
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thank you all so much. My friends don't have a clue what it is like to become the parent overnight. and how it feels to grieve the loss of someone still alive. and regardless of how much i'm suffering my family doesn't notice, and they really truly don't care. i've lost so much weight since february my clothes are loose. nobody cares that i don't eat or sleep or that i wish i was dead a lot of the time. I can't tell you how comforting it is to talk to others who understand.
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Have to spoke with your Mom about how you are feeling? Maybe she would want you to go.. I'm a Mom of 2 kids ages 22 and 25 and I know I would want them to live their lives for themselves..If
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I also fear that if I were to leave that my aunt would become overwhelmed and might make decisions that I'm not okay with her making. She means well but she's not the brightest crayon in the box and has probably never read a book in her life. She does not understand the first thing about a stroke and treats my mom like she is stupid. My mom is capable of making decisions and thinking for herself, and I have a gut wrenching feeling that if I leave I will have to return either because of her health or because I need to protect her.
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Care .. you hit the nail on the head .. you're grieving on many levels. And take it from an old bird .. nevah say 'never'. Honestly, it just feels that way. Dangit .. I know you're 21, but you're not done growing up yet, even if you've had to take on the role of parent and caregiver. Along with making your own choices, squeeze in YOU time and just be 21.

Keep on doing your best ..
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I know this was posted by Care about a month ago and I was just wondering if she had made any decisions about whether she is going to stay and look after her mum or leave and start living her life. 21 is too young to become a caregiver, I think she should have fun!
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Dear!! You are too young for such journey. Please seek resources, professional resource or perhaps an Aunt. There has to be somebody who will help you sort through this difficulty. You need to fulfill your dreams and goals. I have 2 daughters & would never expect such choice. I take cars of my 88 year old mother and it really has been the most challenging journey I have ever been on. Please think this through & speak with your Mother if at all possible. Seek God and pray.
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She is only 21 and should not be having to concern herself with all those issues.
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If your mom qualifies for SSDI then she qualifies for Medicare/Medicaid. Also look into HBOT treatments for her. They work to help the brain heal. I know I’ve had them.  Even chronic conditions.  I’ve had multiple brain injuries from various accidents and I’m also the primary caregiver for my elderly parents plus a single mom.  As others have said reach out and obtain resources to help all of you.  I used to be the primary breadwinner too.  
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It is so unfortunate that you are having to deal with these issues at such a young age! I'm so sorry and will pray for you. You definitely need to contact your local Elder agencies, social services and/or churches (and any other agency that you think might help) to see about getting you and your family some assistance, as well as hopefully guide you to a support group. If they are not the appropriate place for help, they can offer suggestions on where to go. But please at least look into a local support group as I can imagine your stress level is way up there and you could really use some advice/support. ((HUGS))
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