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He’s been in the hospital 11 times in 12 months. He keeps pulling out his feeding tube. He’s now in palliative care going from SNF to LTC at the same facility. If he comes home, he’ll just fall or pull out the tube and we’ll be on the merry go round of ER, hospital and SNF again. No one can convince him he needs 24hr. care. I’m just not going to visit anymore. He’s also sliding into dementia, sundowning, etc. The nurse practioner suggested Xanax or Zoloft to deal with the agitation. Has anyone had experience with antidepressants with an 88yr old.

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Reply to MACinCT
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Go with Valium . There are others too Like Ativan and Clonopine . Zanax Has Horrible withdrawals and can make a Person very Ill If they Miss a dose . Zoloft could take forever to work . Valium is safe and effective .
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LostinPlace Jan 18, 2025
Ativan is a very good choice for anxiety, as needed.
Wishing the family well with a difficult situation.
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Xanax will take effect immediately and is short-lived in the system.

Zoloft takes 2-3 weeks to kick him.

Start with Xanax and see how he reacts. Start the Zoloft after you are sure the Xanax isn't causing side effects. It's never a good idea to start two new meds at the same time.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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This is no longer a matter of convincing him of anything. If he is removing his tubes then he is no longer cognizant enough to make his own decisions. I am sorry that you and he decided to place tubes for feeding. Since age 70 my partner and I have had in our advance directives that we would not accept them to prolong life when we are unable to take sustenance. I have decided that for me this prolongation of a life I don't wish to live would be a torment. Once placed, it is very difficult to get them removed.

The long and short is that, whether on medication to calm him or not, your husband now is more care than can be done in home without 24/7 help. If that latter is possible then it's a choice; otherwise he now needs several shifts of several people each to care for him.

Again, this isn't about choice, sadly. It's about necessity. I am so sorry. I am glad you have now chosen palliative care. I hope Hospice can be brought in when wished for and appropriate in the eyes of the medical team. Just the opinions of an old retired RN, and do feel free to kick it to the curbside; these are individual decisions and your own right to make your own. I wish you only the best.
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ANewWorld Jan 17, 2025
We also have advanced directives regarding feeding tubes. He had to have one placed when an ENT gave him Botox injections in his salivary glands for excess salivation. A day and a half later he was unable to take a dip of water to swallow a pill. He’s 88 with a lot of dental work including a metal plate in his lower jaw due go a car accident in the 1950’s. It would have been a good idea for the ENT to do an ultrasound prior to the injections. All the doctors said it’s a one in a million chance that would happen. It’s just too much of a coincidence not to be the cause. I wish he’d never gotten the referral to that ENT. So here we are. It’s one thing if you are in a coma not to want a feeding tube. But if you’re a vibrant older man who loves life, there’s not much choice. Especially when all the doctors said the Botox would wear off in 6 months. It didn’t and by the time it did, his swallowing function was impaired.
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I agree with the prior posters and urge you to double check husband's advanced medical directives to ensure his medical care is being honored. Typically most DNR directives include do not use a feeding tube.

If husband's advanced directives are being honored I agree that a low dose of an anti-depressant or a tranquilizer as needed is a good thing to consider.

I agree that husband should probably live in a LTC facility now. I hope you will enjoy visiting him again, once the feeding tube and RX issues are resolved.
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Reply to LostinPlace
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No one should be trying to convince him of anything, seems clear he’s lost the ability to make reasonable judgements, and trying to convince him is only frustrating to all. My dad was helped a lot by a low dose of Zoloft during his last several years to help with sadness after loss of people he loved and physical abilities. Later, while on home hospice, Ativan was used for agitation and was effective. Has your husband ever done an advance directive that spells out his wishes for life sustaining treatments? My mother had a feeding tube placed when doctors assured us it was temporary following a stroke, only until a recovery came. Unfortunately the recovery never came and no one was willing to discontinue a feeding tube in a mentally intact person. I don’t know your husband's whole story, if the feeding tube continuation is within his wishes or remains medically appropriate. Maybe consider why he’s pulling it out, a simple act or a message?
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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There is a strong corelation between nutrition and mental decline. Him having difficulties with his feeding tube can contribute to him becoming more depressed and experiencing dementia. I am never one to suggest the pill route but as a last option it is always there. My first suggestion would be to start with what you notice is the most concerning. Why the feeding tube removal and why denial of care? He may have some deep seated feelings he is not able to convey to you appropriately. I would try to seek some services or on your own try to work through and find the root cause of why he believes he doesn't deserve (I prefer they deserve care over they need care) and why he is removing his tube. It sounds to me he is falling into the "self neglect" pitfall and needs some assistance avoiding spiraling further down. Compassion and conversations go a long way. Again if it is a big chemical imbalance and all other options have been looked at surely get him medicated for his own well being, but if it can be avoided I would. No one deserves to just be forced on medication when they can't effectly explain what might be going on with them.
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