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Couple weeks ago I posted on "here" about my family dynamics and how over 30 plus years I went from caregiver for my mother, disabled husband, older sister and now older brother. Most responses to my post were very direct, telling me to get rid of my brother (my current nightmare), and know I owe him nothing and start caring more for myself and my own family under my roof. I surprisingly wasn't offended, and it helped me realize my own suspicions were true about my brother's selfishness. I understand that many of us are "stuck" in caregiving roles which turn our own lives upside-down. Like me, as a result of some good advice on here, those of you concerned if you're caring for someone who is taking advantage of you while they refuse to reach out to other sources, maybe a little "truth" in your thinking might help. By expecting everything from you, despite your own responsibilities to yourself and your household, indicates a very selfish, manipulative force which simply DOES NOT CARE WHAT IMPACT IT HAS ON YOU... its only concern is for itself! As mentioned, many of us can't abandon our caregiving role, but assessing the real reason for why we feel so stuck, or know we're being taken advantage of, we may give ourselves a tiny break and actually expect more from the person to whom we tend. Interesting to see how much they actually can do for themselves in some cases....if we stop playing their game. Recently I told my brother if he can't do a couple tiny tasks for himself he'll have to go in a home. He started doing them with no physical discomfort at all. I still have a way to go with him, but it's a start in letting him know I have a say about things too. For those of you who truly know you're the only one who can help your loved one, and you reach out on sites like this for suggestions and resources to do the best you can for them, God Bless You and please don't be insulted by my newly found attitude and approach... no 2 of us has the same situation going.
Yes! It's quite easy to handle manipulation. The secret is in RECOGNIZING it. And now you do. That's great!
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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You said it! This forum has helped me a great deal. Although I wasn't really being manipulated by my aunt to take care of her, it was my family (cousins and aunt's neighbor) trying to set a trap for me and make me the soul caregiver. I felt like I had to be the solution for everything.
I came here and got lots of good advice about putting myself first and saying no. Family figured it out and are no longer bugging me to be the solution.
I applaud you and this forum!
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Reply to Tiredniece23
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Good job! I'm impressed. YOU GOT THIS.
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Reply to Dawn88
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Way to go! Thank you for updating.
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Reply to MeDolly
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Good for you! Sometimes there's a fine line between helping someone and enabling them. When we reach out to a public forum for unbiased opinions, such advice can be eye opening for those who are willing to hear it. For those who are too "insulted" by the truth, a public forum is not their best choice. And some comments tend to be too rude to be posted. I'm happy we were of help to you!
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Reply to lealonnie1
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