My mom is 87. My brother lives with her and takes awful care for her. My other brother is POA. My brother who lives with her is acoholic and does not clean the home and has lowlife in and out. I was finally able to go inside her bedroom and bathroom to clean ( she was in the ER). Her mattress has bedbugs, her bathroom had 1/2 on dandruff on floors and blinds. It was filthy. My mom and I do not have a great relationship because I have complained to her about my brother not cleaning or taking care of her. And she won’t let me clean. My other brother with POA will not let me see the will. I want to see the will because I think she needs to go into a clean home. She needs money for that. What should I do?
Your Mom chose her PoA. Let her have it. If you would stop inserting yourself then you'd be able to report her to APS and there'd be obvious proof of the poor conditions she is living in and inappropriate/unsafe/unhealthy care. Then you could possibly have her removed from that house and your PoA brother may be replaced by a court-appointed legal guardian. Then the legal guardian gets to call her shots and no one except the guardian will have insight or access into her medical and financial accounts. If she owns the home she is in, everyone else would be kicked out. But this would be better than what's going on currently, right?
The legal guardian would most likely place her in a facility. My family has had a very good experience with 3rd party guardianship for my SFIL.
You not being her PoA, and your Mom still cognitive enough to be calling her own shots, means you have no real power in this situation except what I outlined above.
Bed bugs don't happen because a person doesn't clean. Someone brought them into the house.
But a cluttered house will make it difficult to get rid of the bed bugs. You run the risk going over there of bringing bed bugs into your own home.
Would you consider reporting your Mother as an elder at risk to her local Adult Protection Agency?
If the home is found to be in a state of squalor or pest infestation, the home owner may be required to clean up - get cleaning & pest control services in.
This of course may not get the home cleaned up & the bedbugs gone. Or stop them coming back.
It also may carry high risk of making your relationship with your Mother or Brothers worse.
What you like to see happen?
As someone whose SIL brought them home to their house from a trip away with his friend. As someone who saw our neighbors rent out their home when they went to Europe for six months and returned to infestation, I will tell you that I have seen it CURED.
Please go to the top of the timeline. There, go to the right and click on that little magifying "search" glass. Click on it and type in BEDBUGS.
You will come up with former questions and a lot of great information.
I am with RealyReal here! Diatomaceous Earth (food grade) worked for my kids with a new infestation. Not easy. Followed up twice. But from next door that took two very expensive treatments as well.
My dad laughed when still alive about my stories of bedbugs, which we nurses feared (along with scabies and etc.) He said they used to, in the slums of Chicago, race them across the colored saucers they could find. Go figure. There's a lot on line. I wish you the best of luck.
And LUCK YOU WILL NEED!