For context: My wife and I have been caretaking for my dad for over 20 years in our home with no contractual rent agreement. He has his own room and bathroom in the house. He is 95 years old and is still mental competent and is able to understand and respond coherently. He does not have an official will and last testimony set up and has 5 children including myself. I am his medical POA in the event he is unable to make decisions for himself.
Unfortunately, my dad recently had a mechanical fall and is now in a long-term care nursing facility to better meet his physical needs. Since his admission, 3 of my siblings (who I do not have a good relationship with) have been interrogating my dad 3 times a week about how much money and heirlooms he has left to give them. He has clearly expressed that he does not have anything left to give and has already partitioned all his jewelry years ago. Unsatisfied with his answer, they keep going to visit to try and find a moment of mental un-clarity when he is on his pain medications to admit to having something leftover for them.
Two days ago, one of the three siblings have accused me and my wife of stealing an heirloom (jewelry) that was meant for them from my dad's room. Of course, my wife and I were appalled and denied any act of stealing or theft from dad. I asked my dad about the heirloom to which he said he made a mistake when talking with them and that no such object exists. He has also expressed again that he does not have any jewelry left in his room and has given them away to all 5 children already (including myself) years ago. My guess is that this is a ploy from them to see if my dad truly has any jewelry left over, but I am unsure of their motive.
What can I do legally to protect myself from their current (and future) gross and offensive accusations about theft? My wife and I have taken care of my dad for free over the past 20 years free of charge without their support at all. We have not charged anyone for rent, food, or utilities and are instead being accused with false accusations of theft in our own house. Should we let them inspect my dad's room to prove our innocence? Should we respond to their accusations?
1. (((Hug)))
2. Your siblings are despicable.
Have you checked his POA document to see if you can limit his “visitors.
Check with a lawyer to see if your siblings can invade your home.
If you can (I got better at this but long after the damage to me was done) ignore ignore IGNORE the accusations. Nothing you do will satisfy the avarice.
So sorry this has happened. I will have a lost a family member by it, once everything is over.
And, yes, consult a lawyer about protecting your home and dad's possessions from these cultures.
Cultures or vultures?
While your Dad is in hospital go through his room and put aside for safe keeping any records and things for safekeeping. Immediately upon his death, see a probate attorney if Dad has assets so you can apply to be the administrator of his estate if there is anything hidden (which sounds unlikely). You will then have an attorney's protection. If there is no estate there is no need to do anything, and any family going before an attorney to accuse you and your family is likely going to be laughed right out of the court.
Your father likely has not had to pay taxes for many years. Otherwise you would have tax records. Just keep and safeguard what records he does have of his SS accounts, and etc. Keep it organized in a file and locked away safely.
One thing that was advised to me, when my sibling - long out of the picture - suddenly came around after my father passed, was to hide all the photos. This wasn’t meant to keep them all from her - lord knows I don’t want them all - but I didn’t want her taking EVERYTHING. Sure enough she swooped in and took every single slide ( I didn’t get to those) plus other stuff she wanted. Fyi later I send her a bunch of pictures…
I also stashed various other items that were NOT for her and hid them away. And also, bemusedly, left other nice objects out as ‘bait’ for her to take since I didnt want to deal with them. ( Nope she didn’t take them ) And I have two family objects that were specifically gifted to me by my mother that another relative has been asking about. This relative has gotten some money and other home goods as well. You can bet those two objects are stashed where she’ll never see them.
So if your siblings are still coming around your house, and your father’s space, I’d recommend hiding anything they shouldn’t have, and trying to ‘bait’ with other objects to appease their greed. My relatives got things, but they can’t just charge in and treat the family home like a free-for-all.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. It’s abhorrent behavior :(
You have Nothing to prove to these people .
If Dad has no assets, a Will is not needed. In my State under 20k is not even probated. I think what you should do is while Dad is lucid, have him sign a paper saying that anything he had of value was split between his 5 children prior to this date. For the last 20 years he has been residing with his son and DIL rent free. Because of that any of his personal items left behind after his death go to his son (your name). Any money left behind after his death goes to you for the care u have given him over the years. Have it witnessed and notarized in the home. Maybe run it by a lawyer to see if its legal. If not, see if the lawyer will go to the home.
Best wishes to you, CD.
As many of you have responded, I will be ignoring these bogus claims and will refuse access to my home/his room. Out of respect for my dad, I will not be going through his belongings, as he has told me that he has nothing left to hide. Even if something were to be found later after his death, I am comfortable giving it up to whoever comes forward.
I realize that nothing I do will satisfy their avarice. At this point, I just want to care for dad as best as I can without dealing with other psychological drama.
I'd ask them where they get off, coming around like vultures making ridiculous demands, when you have supported Dad 20 years on your dime? Ask them exactly what they contributed the last 20 years, besides a greedy, outstrecthed hand? Common sense flew out the window here.
Sorry you have to go thru this, my siblings were just as bad. Pack up the important stuff and hide it away in a safe place. You are the HERO.