Follow
Share

Manipulation of parents assets on a mind boggling scale. Family mediation unsuccessful…another mediation plus lawyer (so much cost!)ended up no result. 3 of 5 used parents $ to do repairs on family biz..then passed onto themselves, plus the family trust…gave other two nominal$…. Had dad deemed competent….so he gave them poa anyway, a year later, parents in a nursing home with not one thing of their own(mum dementia) dad depressed now they say everything to be sold as parents can’t afford where they are( business they gave themselves worth 3.2 mil on a 6 mil property)manipulated and lied to present myself and my sis as problematic,thus we have no voice at all and they are in league with parents lawyers.i don’t care about the $, I just want to get some of my mum n dads things around them…one of the 3 have everything from parents home after it sold for 3.2 mil…locked up in storage. When I ask my dad he indicates he’s bullied and wants no trouble, then lies when they ask why he wants his stuff, and says I pressure him to get his things, he doesn’t want them, no surprise, I can’t stand up to them I’m not surprised he can’t what to do?

Drop it. There's apparently nothing in it for you, and dad's apparently resigned to living with the situation he allowed to happen by not being firm with your siblings. "Things" have little meaning as we get older. I don't know where you'd put their Hummel figurines or the dresser scarf they got on their Niagara Falls honeymoon in their smaller home. What elders want most of all is peace - freedom from family wrangling, for one thing. And no one likes to be bullied.

As for anonymously asking for an audit, I shouldn't think so. Their financial situation, the business and their trust are private. It's none of your business.

Sorry, but you aren't on a winning streak here, and your parents deserve peace and calm at the end of their lives. Take them a bag of cookies next time you visit, and don't talk about sensitive subjects again. Tell dad you appreciate and love him, and then leave. Refuse to argue with your uncooperative siblings, and have a happier new year.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Fawnby
Report
Adler2ndborn Jan 2, 2025
Thanks for that…I already do everything you have suggested and don’t discuss with my dad…..i still know the importance for my mum with dementia, of having her familiar things, photos etc around her….this is what breaks my heart…not the dollars nor the Hummels
(0)
Report
I think that pouring money into attorneys to the level that has been already done here should serve as some sort of answer.
To me it indicates that there is NO ANSWER.
I would be stepping away from this mess ASAP myself. Would have done so long ago.

As to advice for you?
You say you have no voice at all. Good. That saves having to talk about it.
Go to see Mum and Dad. Take flowers. Send nice notes. Do NOT talk about this.
Stay out of the way of those who are appointed as legal POA and guardians.
Let them handle things as they see fit.

OR, you know, just keep smashing your head against what you have be shown is a brick wall. That's option B, which seems to me to have proven less than efficacious.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report
Adler2ndborn Jan 2, 2025
Already do all the above….my mum who has dementia has none of her own things that are familiar around her, nor photos or anything that may assist a memory….this is the heartbreaking factor of my story….
(0)
Report
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter