Mom has lewy body dementia for two years. She is incontinent, non verbal, can't bathe herself or dress self, swollen ankles, bruises, trouble swallowing, very hard to get up off chair, left alone in house while he mows,etc, no air conditioning. Dad refuses to have Hospice assessment so a Vulnerable Adult Report was filed by Home Health Care. He thinks he can take care of her even though he is 86, has memory problems too. I have POA and have cared for them for last 2 years assisting them to stay in the home. They have home health care 3 times/week. Mom graduated from hospice in March, but now has shown decline. How can we get Mom to a facility? Frustrated with Dad's stubbornness. Need suggestions-worn out.
Sounds like you are one of those that is just going to have to wait until an emergency happens in order to have any influence or input on care for mom. Even then, if dad does not agree with you, it likely will not go well.
The only fly in the ointment I can see is that there was no follow-up done by APS. They may not have seen anything wrong. If Mom is clean and fed, she is being cared for and not neglected or abused. I would call and ask about why there is no follow-up. As POA, you are entitled to know.
If he is showing signs of decline and can not care for her properly then as POA you need to step in but if he is resistant obtaining Guardianship at least over him might be the only solution.
If there is a lawyer that drew up the POA or if they have an Elder Care Attorney it is time to make an appointment to see him or her.
Guardianship is not easy, can be expensive (but costs come from the estate you do not have to use personal funds) and can be time consuming. But it might be the only way to keep both safe.
Does anyone have Durable POA for Mom? Because she is cognitively impaired, the POA is active and you can now make health care decisions for her, which would involve placing her. What came of the Adult at Risk report? They are now on APS radar and I’m surprised there has been no follow-up done.
Put the wheels in motion for a facility for Mom. File for Medicaid if needs be. Let Dad stay in the house for a while, with help from you, but begin planning for him to move as well. He will be enraged, but it has to be. This is not a safe situation for him or your mom.