Docs told us when he asks when he will be going home to push it off... you'll be reevaluated in a few months, etc. Its been a year and he asks all the time. Should we tell him the truth or continue the therapeutic lying? It's becoming so hard for family members to her the same questions every visit. The docs have tried to explain to him but he doesn't remember.
My Mom was doing the same thing. Mom was 98 and she wanted to visit with her parents and siblings. I found using the "theraputic fibs" worked great. I would tell Mom that her parents were visiting the old country and Mom accepted that. Then a couple of days later Mom would ask again. I would give Mom the same answer. Later I would try other answers to keep it less tedious.
Telling my Mom she would never go home would only upset her greatly. Thus, not a win-win approach.
But hard as it is, it isn't as hard as it would be for your father to hear that he will never see his home again. What's more, he would have to go through that every single time - because telling him the truth will not stop his asking. He cannot retain the information. Telling it like it is to him wouldn't only be hurtful for him, it would be futile. He *cannot* comprehend the truth.
Try to divert the question into asking him in return about how he's doing with his daily routine. What does he think of his physical therapy, how is he enjoying the occupational therapy or activities he's offered, is he forming any connections or friendships with staff or fellow residents?
I am not for a second suggesting this as a practical option, but your only real alternative would be to take him home. At which point you might well find he didn't even mean *that* home - he has in mind a quite different home, perhaps one that he lived in decades ago. All the same, just as a mental exercise, what would it take to care for your father as well at the family's home as he currently is cared for in his ALF? If you revisit the decision and recall all of the reasons why that's neither do-able nor in his best interests, it might help get the lesser evil of therapeutic fibbing back into perspective.