My Mom has been declining since December. She is barely eating and drinking these days. Hospice and I are working together to try and figure out what dosage, if any of Ativan will help. She is agitated, and out of it most days now, but worse at night. This was her "baseline" prior to Ativan.
I feel so helpless and sad. Can anyone share what their loved ones last days were like? I am the only one that feels like this is torture?
I feel so awful because all I can think of is my stupid respite trip because I don't want to be here anymore.
I feel a little guilty for still going. Friday seems so far away!
How I relate to you!
I feel like I'm waiting for a bomb to drop. It sure is a high anxiety situation.
My mom is at end stage 6 Alzheimer's. Stage 6 seemed to drag on forever. It is so hard to watch decline day by day. Each new thing you see beings you that much closer to the end. I find I am looking for these new signs and discovering them brings new dread.
I know death is inevitable but I sure wish I had a timeline.
Will stage 7 (hopefully we won't get there), be as long as stage 6? I guess you could say the wait is killing me.
I have tried to be calm and prepare for her death but I can't get the knot out of my stomach. The anticipation is the worst.
I can't share what her last days are like because I don't know if these ARE her last days. She 95-1/2!
My dad had a massive stroke at 85 and died 2 weeks later. Not easy but definitely quick.
The years of going through Alzheimer's has been a long, exhausting road for all of us (Mom, hubs and me.)
I pray Mom doesn't have to go through stage 7 to the end. That's the part (you might be in) that rips your guts out.
I sympathize. Hang in there and don't feel bad about fantasizing leaving or being out of the situation. Those are your coping skills and it give you hope in a hopeless situation. Big hugs to us all.
(((((hug)))))
PS-There is nothing wrong giving Morphine to a terminal person who is in pain. Please do not let her suffer. That's just wrong. If she's too sleepy or groggy, as the hospice nurse if you can cut the dose to just take the pain away yet have her be alert.
IMO (as a former hospice nurse), NO one should die in pain. We are kinder to our sick, old, terminal animals.
(((hugs to you))))
Hospice nurse is coming by to check on her. I don't want to keep giving her morphine, but the nurse said to do it as needed.
We will see what happens
I think the torture is yours, not your mom’s. From what I saw, people go to another place, for lack of a better way to put it, in their last days, and they’re okay. The helpless, torturous feelings are ours. It’s okay to leave, take breaks from it all, no good mom would expect you to drive yourself to exhaustion being right there. Be good to yourself, say all you need to say to your mom even if she’s seemingly unaware, and focus on good memories as often as possible. Blessings as you walk this road
For me my Mom's last week was sad simply cause she was mostly unconscious. I never got to hold her hand, look into her eyes and say good bye. The one time she did wake up that week she was moaning and crying and as much as I would have loved to have her stay conscious and with me I couldn't bear to see her in so much discomfort so I held her and tried to comfort her for a few minutes, then I ran and got a nurse to give her something to ease her pain. I like to think she knew I was there in those few minutes. I'll never know.
Just try to remember by being there for your loved one you are doing God's work. I don't know if you are a believer or not and if you aren't I don't mean to offend you by mentioning God but he is there, he does love you and wants to comfort you.
It's natural for you to not want to go through this. Who would want to. But good for you for being there for your Mom.