My Father has dementia and is very mean. I am at my wits end. Any advice?
Saying I have never loved him and many hurtful things everyday. I am with him all of the time. I go over there in the morning when he gets up and I stay all day long cooking and cleaning for him until he goes to bed. He swears at me and tells me to get out because no one has been there is days. I try to explain to him that I am there everyday, but, he just calls me a liar and tells me to get out. He hates my husband (who he used to like) now and, I think he is jealous of him. He cries a lot because my mother died 15 yrs ago. (Before dementia he did not do that.). He says that he is useless and calls himself terrible names and says that is the reason no one likes him. He was always a very well liked person and has lots of friends.
I am at my wits end. This is driving me insane. I am an only child and no one to help. He only wants me and would accept no outside help, but, yet treats me terrible.
I'm wondering also if he needs some socialization to balance out his loneliness. The Clarkston Senior Center might also have some suggestions along this line.
If he likes music, check out the local United Methodist Churches. I believe it was last year that they hosted a free music program. There might be more in the pipeline since the holiday season is approaching.
You also have the right to tell him, dementia notwithstanding, that you won't tolerate verbal abuse. I don't know if you can determine that his behavior is a result of his medical condition, is his natural nature, or is stress from the dementia and his mental and physical decline. But you don't have to be a verbal punching bag, whatever the cause of his behavior is.
Have you discussed his agitation and anxiety with his doctor? Often, medications can really help the patient feel less anxious and depressed. It might help the delusions too. Meds did wonders for my loved one.
I'm not sure that explaining things helps. Saying anything in the moment to calm them is one option. Disagreeing or trying to convince them that their delusions are incorrect doesn't usually help. I just say that I'm sorry they are upset, but the problem or thing that they don't like has been taken care of all is now well. I then say, I'm there to celebrate and have brought them a treat. Try to lighten the mood. I don't have any expectations that she will respond, be happy or act nice. She may not be capable.
It sounds like your dad may be the point that staying alone is not safe. I would explore options of how he's going to be cared for in his condition. If he continues to be so hostile, this may require some time and effort.