My 69yo mom has been diagnosed with dementia for 5yrs now. She is a very intellegent woman & so is very good at hiding her problem from people not as close to her as family and is pretty high functioning for the level I know she is at. She lives alone, feeds herself (always takeout, does not cook), feeds & walks her pets and gets herself to about 5 places - Church, 2 food places, the pet store, my grandmother's house & choir practice. Although she will go to church & choir practice on the wrong days a lot. Sounds fine & dandy, but she has had many problems: wrecks, lost much money for scams, lost her car at football games & rode home with stranger, always losing her wallet. She can't do anything other than what I have mentioned she does. I manage her money, taxes, home & car repairs, doc appts, major holidays, etc. I am only 27, newly married & newly pregnant & don't have the time or abilities to care for her on my own. She does not like talking about her disease (I wouldn't either) & I have picked up the pieces behind her behind her back mostly. I never tell her about all the things I do for her behind her back bc I don't want to upset her about her disease more. But her doc & my fam do not want her driving anymore (I agree) & want her in an assisted living home. I want these things too bc it would be safer, cleaner (she never does laundry or cleans) & she would have socialization. She was a single mom & i am her only child, so she doesn't get any socialization except for church, choir & a few family members. She has been telling me since I was a kid to never put her in a nursing home so it breaks my heart. So much so that I told my husband and uncle they will have to be the ones to tell her bc I just cannot do it. And I KNOW she will refused, probably try calling the cops or walking out of the house or something. I cry just thinking about it. I wish so badly I could just snap my fingers & she would be in the new place & adjusted & not have to go through the process. Any help??
You may need to take her to a gerontologist for they specialize in the medical issues of the elderly.
Someone needs to take her to visit an assisted living and/or nursing home so she can see they have improved since you were a child. You don't need to feel bound by a childhood promise when you didn't know what you know now about the challeges of aging. That was not fair for her to make you promise this.
I think you need to contact adult protective services. Tell them about your mother and that you can't deal with this as an expectant mother. Ask them to look into the situation and to deal with it.