She is 90 years old and has been in bed for nearly a month. She eats barely enough to sustain her. A cup or two of food a day. She is very small (86 lbs) and is losing weight from not eating as she should. I've tried nutrition shakes, supplements, her favorite foods all to no avail. She will only ingest small amounts. She outright refuses to see her doctor and is getting weaker by the day. There is no illness related reason for her decline. She says she just wants to die.
My sister whom is her other caregiver won't take her to the doctor saying that she needs time to gain weight and Gram says she will begin eating. I would take her myself but have cerebral palsy so I cannot drive her to the appointment even if I could manage to convince my grandmother to go.
I feel like NOT taking her is bordering on neglect, but honestly have no clue what I should do to help her and legally protect myself. My sister and I have gotten into a huge fight over this issue. Anyone ever been in a similar situation? What is the proper course of action?
Thank you a ton!
One thing that we did not realize about my father was that he had severe mixed dementia. Because of his personality, list making, and preservation of certain high-level functions, we did not suspect. If your grandmother's change was rather sudden, I wonder if she might have had a vascular accident that affected a certain area of her brain.
Have you checked her temperature and blood pressure? They might be able to give some indication about her condition. With her weight so low, if her blood pressure or body temperature is low, you might qualify to have medical help come into your home. At the low weight, she may qualify for hospice -- I am not sure of this. Hospice doesn't mean that the end is near. She can get better, then Hospice can discharge her. I know that you do need some help and it would be nice if they could come to you, given your situation with your sister.
Please let us know what happens.
I don't want to be charged with neglect and I worry with her weight loss and even if the lack of nutrients are affecting her judgement. When I bring up the subject of the doctor she either screams at me to leave the room, or flat out ignores me. The weird thing is two months ago she was fine. She ate, moved around, and was social. Now she is voluntarily bedridden, won't eat and won't get help. I'm worried, frightened and frustrated with the entire situation!
If your GM is "in her right mind" then she is entitled to decide whether or not to see a doctor and even whether or not to eat. My concern that if she is not really herself (because of depression, for example) then she may not be making an informed decision.
Could you both appeal to her to get a doctor's opinion before she makes any final decisions? If it is possible, do this as soon as possible. Don't wait for weight gain.
It sounds like you and your sister both want the best for your grandmother. I hope that you can argue about your views about how to help GM without turning it into a personal fight. You have some difficult times ahead, and you need each other now.
Please keep us updated about what is going on. We learn from each other.