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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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When my father was dying it was very difficult for me. We know they are near the end. I believe they know they are near the end. Your mom knows that you love her. She will live in your heart forever but it’s still hard to say goodbye.
I don’t think you can avoid pain in losing someone. I feel we start the grieving process before their death. We have already begun to lose the person that was once healthy and active. We grieve when they are gone. Mourning the death of someone we love is part of life and completely normal.
I'm very sorry you are going through this, grief is a sad and complex thing. I had a very hard time with my dad's end of life, so I feel your pain. There is no easy fast fix. Be glad that you are there with her and hospice will keep her comfortable. Hold her hand. Tell her you will see her on the other side and that you love her.
When she passes be gentle with yourself and know that you will need time to heal. It may feel crushing but it will get better, I promise.
You cope by... Knowing you have done the best that you can to care for her. Knowing that you have been lucky to have her for as long as you have. By thanking her for raising a strong independent individual that she can be proud of. By taking what you have learned from her and passing it on to others.
You grieve now as she declines and you will grieve when she dies because you will miss her. But realize that to not want her to die is selfish as I am sure she would not want to live a life in pain, not being able to do the things she loved to do. I said for a long time watching my Husband decline that I always hoped I would make the right decisions...I was ruled by 2 major organs, my Heart and my Brain. I knew my heart would want me to make one decision my brain possibly to make another. It is the struggle between the 2 that can be a problem. Let your Brain take over once in a while.
You have done your best, rest easy with that thought. (((hugs)))
I'm so sorry, our moms are special and it is hard to let them go no matter how great their age. My only advice is to do and say what feels right to you and don't allow other people to pressure you into anything different.
My faith sustains me through the difficult loses. My LO is no longer in pain or struggling to breathe, or stand and take a few steps; no more indignities. Death really is the final healing removing all those painful realities. Yes, a life here is over but now a new life has started in our memories and in heaven. We can remember the good years without the pain of their decline so fresh in our thoughts. I know they have moved on to rejoin their parents, siblings, and in some cases children and grandchildren in as perfect a place as will ever be experienced.
Grief in a lot of ways is selfish. It's about _our_ loss more than someone else's freedom. When a young person dies, the grief is so horrible and sustained because of all the "milestones" not achieved; all the missing years in that young life and all the years we will miss them. When a senior passes on, they at least had the chance to live a good life; to make the choices and fulfill the responsibilities. I do not want them back in the pain and fragility of old age just to comfort me. I miss them but I also look forward to the day I will join them again.
Im so sorry you are going through this very difficult time. Please take advantage of the grief counseling that hospice offers. Losing a parent is so hard, especially when we have been very close. Remember that they are moving on to a better place and their worn out body will be at peace. Healing blessings coming your way.
(((((Ree))))). Losing a loved one is so very painful. One thought that helped me a lot after losing my youngest son was that the relationship does not end after death, but changes. We don't have their physical presence any more, and that can be a blessing if they are old and in pain, or young and seriously injured, but we still have our memories and a relationship with our LO. It doesn't end or go away once they pass, but it changes. Of course we miss the hugs and the chats and their physical presence, but they are not so far away and we will see them again. Not that life is easy without them. it isn't, but we gradually adjust.
I wrote this after my son died.
"No more sorrow, no more pain. Safe in heaven till I see you again"
Do find a grief group when you are ready for it. They can really help. ((((((hugs))))
My wonderful mom, my best friend, died at 95, after 5 1/2 beautiful years in a local SNF, where I was able to visit her every single day.
My memories of her last days in hospice care were almost blissfully sweet. She became nearly baby like, beautifully dressed in her favorite flannel nighties, her skin warm and smoothed with lotion.
On her last day with me I sat next to her bed in the amazingly quiet late afternoon, holding her hand, and all at once I felt a presence at the door. Without turning away from her, I realized that my dad was standing in the doorway, waiting for the last breath, so he could take her with him to Heaven, as he had accompanied her in Life.
I left her that night knowing she’d be gone before I returned, and got the expected phone call not too much later.
When my father died, I felt heartbroken, but I never “lost” my mother. She simply went “home”, to Dad.
Ann-- Your comments are beautiful and speak to the belief that many of us hold that this life is just temporary--and we know our loved ones who have passed on already are anxious to have their loved ones with them.
I, too, felt my daddy's mother's presence the day he died. It was sweet and very spiritual to experience.
Believing that death is simply stepping through one door into another world where pain and sorrow no longer exist--well it makes death have a much softer 'sting'.
We are in the slow process of losing both my MIL and my mother. My MIL is fighting mad, which makes it hard on my DH, my mom is just rolling along each day with as much dignity as she can manage. There's not going to be a lot of grieving when either of these ladies go. All their family is gone, most of their friends. I find the 'pre-grieving' is much harder than the final act.
Grateful for a faith that helps be OK with losing loved ones.
I remember when my mom was ill. It was very sad. I tried to spend quality time with her before she passed. As for coping, a support group and counseling helps. So sorry. I hope you find comfort.
Ree111....I'm so sorry you are having to watch your Mother go down like she is. I know it hurts and it's very hard to see the one you love so much not getting any better because I had to watch my dear Mother deteriorate too.It's because you love her so much that it hurts so bad.I know she must love you so much too. What a wonderful daughter you are to be by her side when she needs you the most. God bless you and be with you in the days ahead. Take good care, {{{HUGS}}},Lu
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I don’t think you can avoid pain in losing someone. I feel we start the grieving process before their death. We have already begun to lose the person that was once healthy and active. We grieve when they are gone. Mourning the death of someone we love is part of life and completely normal.
Sending hugs your way.
When she passes be gentle with yourself and know that you will need time to heal. It may feel crushing but it will get better, I promise.
Huge hug to you.
Knowing you have done the best that you can to care for her.
Knowing that you have been lucky to have her for as long as you have.
By thanking her for raising a strong independent individual that she can be proud of.
By taking what you have learned from her and passing it on to others.
You grieve now as she declines and you will grieve when she dies because you will miss her. But realize that to not want her to die is selfish as I am sure she would not want to live a life in pain, not being able to do the things she loved to do.
I said for a long time watching my Husband decline that I always hoped I would make the right decisions...I was ruled by 2 major organs, my Heart and my Brain. I knew my heart would want me to make one decision my brain possibly to make another. It is the struggle between the 2 that can be a problem. Let your Brain take over once in a while.
You have done your best, rest easy with that thought.
(((hugs)))
your kind words brought tears to my eyes.
Grief in a lot of ways is selfish. It's about _our_ loss more than someone else's freedom. When a young person dies, the grief is so horrible and sustained because of all the "milestones" not achieved; all the missing years in that young life and all the years we will miss them. When a senior passes on, they at least had the chance to live a good life; to make the choices and fulfill the responsibilities. I do not want them back in the pain and fragility of old age just to comfort me. I miss them but I also look forward to the day I will join them again.
I wrote this after my son died.
"No more sorrow, no more pain.
Safe in heaven till I see you again"
Do find a grief group when you are ready for it. They can really help. ((((((hugs))))
My memories of her last days in hospice care were almost blissfully sweet. She became nearly baby like, beautifully dressed in her favorite flannel nighties, her skin warm and smoothed with lotion.
On her last day with me I sat next to her bed in the amazingly quiet late afternoon, holding her hand, and all at once I felt a presence at the door. Without turning away from her, I realized that my dad was standing in the doorway, waiting for the last breath, so he could take her with him to Heaven, as he had accompanied her in Life.
I left her that night knowing she’d be gone before I returned, and got the expected phone call not too much later.
When my father died, I felt heartbroken, but I never “lost” my mother. She simply went “home”, to Dad.
Your comments are beautiful and speak to the belief that many of us hold that this life is just temporary--and we know our loved ones who have passed on already are anxious to have their loved ones with them.
I, too, felt my daddy's mother's presence the day he died. It was sweet and very spiritual to experience.
Believing that death is simply stepping through one door into another world where pain and sorrow no longer exist--well it makes death have a much softer 'sting'.
We are in the slow process of losing both my MIL and my mother. My MIL is fighting mad, which makes it hard on my DH, my mom is just rolling along each day with as much dignity as she can manage. There's not going to be a lot of grieving when either of these ladies go. All their family is gone, most of their friends. I find the 'pre-grieving' is much harder than the final act.
Grateful for a faith that helps be OK with losing loved ones.
(( Big hug))
I know it hurts and it's very hard to see the one you love so much not getting any better because I had to watch my dear Mother deteriorate too.It's because you love her so much that it hurts so bad.I know she must love you so much too.
What a wonderful daughter you are to be by her side when she needs you the most.
God bless you and be with you in the days ahead.
Take good care,
{{{HUGS}}},Lu
sorry about your loss too. She must have been so proud of you.