My dad fell and broke his hip about a month ago. Coming home and finding him laying in my backyard was an experience I never want to go though again. Since surgery he has been in rehab on a memory care unit. Now I have to decide if he is to come back home or stay there. We had aides that were coming 4hrs a day but he needs 24 hrs care now, seems happy there and has made friends but every time I leave him there I feel complete guilt! I have been trying to contact an adult center that he can go to while I work, but so far I'm not having any luck, and he just can't stay alone any more. Does anyone have any other suggestions?
Was it a one-off? Or has he started to fall bit? How much time would your Dad be alone at home? Would you ever get to relax/have a break/weekend away?
I just met a elderly lady this week - 36 hours on her kitchen floor. Survived (broken leg & head strike) but sooo angry as prob not going to discharged home. But she understands why & knows it's time.
If it was my Dad, if he was settled & well cared for, I'd stop there. I'd want some social activities, people & surrounds he could get used to.
Agree with Countymouse, awful for people with memory problems to be churned through the hospital-rehab mill with all those different people. Falls risk goes sky high too - can't find 'home' or the bathroom.
I hope whatever you decide you make peace with it.
Is it because it feels too easy? Do you feel that unless you make your life more difficult and complicated again you won't be trying hard enough?
If you bring your father home, and find him day care, and fit caregiving into your limited free time, you won't only be making your life harder. You will also be making HIS life harder. Constant changes of scene and faces and names, to-ing and fro-ing every working day, the stress of juggling his care and your work will all rebound on him, you know. And that's if the routine goes smoothly. What if he's ill and can't go to the senior center? What if you're ill and can't take him? What if your employers ask you to put in extra time?
Your father likes this place and has made friends. You (and others) will be free to visit him whenever you like, and if he's up to it to take him out whenever you like. There will be nothing you can't do for him in the memory care unit that you could do if he were home. In what way do you feel his life would be *better* if you brought him home?
Honestly, it sounds like this couldn’t have worked out any better for either of you.
" he just can't stay alone any more."
It sounds like he is needing more care than you can provide.
Whether you feel guilty or not, allow him to stay where he is receiving that care, and count yourself and him blessed to have him ok with it, happy about it really.
His care needs supersede your feelings about it. Does that help?
All the best!
- does your Dad have good financial means? This gives him more options.
- does he have supplemental insurance to his Medicare?
- does he have a long-term care insurance policy? Ask him.
- if he has none of the above, are you willing/able to cover the costs to bring him home?
Knowing your financial limits helps narrow down the answers to your questions, so please edit your post to include this info.
So many people believe that a facility is the worst thing that could happen and it is not. There are so many opportunities for people to thrive in a setting that gives them peers, activities, meals, med management and care on need. It is sometimes the very best choice.
If he is able to tell you what he would like, ask, but be very sure that you are not making him feel like he can't leave your house because of you, does that make sense?