My mother is disabled and relies heavily on care from PSWs and myself for daily living, but denies this is her life now and believes she will get her independence back (after 3.5 years of these supports). She lives on government subsidies, no retirement savings, and is spending increasingly more on health/incontinence products, cleaning services and laundry, etc. because I cannot keep up by myself. She had an assessment done earlier this year, and her coordinator said she is fully competent, but I have doubts. Coordinator also advised me to step back so that mom can see all that she needs help with and what things actually look like when I do not spend hours there cleaning up after her. Coordinator said she needs to see that she needs more care and should consider a long-term residence with support onsite (she is on the assisted living waitlist, but refuses to apply anywhere and says she plans to die in her apartment).
I have been managing her finances for the last 3 years, do all her banking and bills. Last year, she signed up for a life insurance plan on her own (I have since removed her access to her banking account as POA of finances). This already was a big hit to her already small income, but she insisted because she does not have any property or valuables to leave me when she passes, and wants to ensure things are "taken care of" (she is very proud). When she first told me she signed up, she wanted recognition for taking these steps on her own and was angry I didn't praise her. I was upset because she really shouldn't have based on her limited budget, and I told her I would prefer she just put in in savings, but she disagreed. Ultimately, nothing I can do as I was not involved on the plan (I did try calling in to get details and they would not talk to me about the policy). She refused to cancel it.
The policy renewed this season and went up about $20 a month - she cannot afford this. Her expenses in the last few months have gone up substantially with daily health supplies and increased costs of food, laundry and housekeeping, and it won't be going down. I have shared her expenses with her, made it clear that she has a very small buffer based on her minimum expenses (if nothing goes wrong/she doesn't need anything unusual) - seemed she understood. She told me she would call them and cancel it. I asked her again about it the next week and she said she adjusted it to a lower amount so that the payments were less, but didn't want to cancel it. I checked her statement and they took out the full amount that was originally on the renewal (+ ~$20 for the month). I let her know this and asked if it was an error since she adjusted it. She said she was keeping it as is - she didn't adjust it. She lied to my face that she had. Says she did the math--even though she does not do any of her own expenses--and "it's fine".
I do not know what to do. I do not want to enforce POA and not sure I could given her recent assessment, but she is going to go broke. I will not and cannot financially support her. She is literally flushing this money down the drain. How can I make her see this is a bad decision?
You are in your 30s so your Mom is probably not that old (60s or 70s).
"How do I get my mother to understand she cannot continue her life insurance plan?"
You don't. It hasn't worked yet. Stop plowing yourself into that brick wall.
I agree that you need to activate your PoA if it isn't already (maybe it works differently in Canada). Then you MUST start acting in your Mom's best interests. You do not need to tell her what you're doing if she's only going to freak out and work against you.
I agree with the suggestion to download the life insurer's app, create a login for the portal and cancel the policy, as well as changing the contact phone number to yourself.
In the US a PoA needs usually needs to have the medical diagnosis on the clinic letterhead and signed by the doctor. Read your document to see what is required and then do it. You may need to use a "therapeutic fib" to get your Mom in for the exam where they will perform the cognitive/memory test. Her doc needs to know that you are seeking whether she has "sufficient impairment" enough to require the PoA to step up going forward. Tell the doc what symptoms and behaviors you are witnessing. I wish you success in giving your Mom the oversight she needs.
PS, it may make more sense for your Mom to purchase a pre-paid funeral insurance policy, which are popular here in the States.
Your mother doesn't need to be "incompetent" in order to put you in charge of her finances. She apparently DID put you in charge because she realized she could not and didn't want to handle it. So she isn't writing out bills. IF you simply stopped paying the insurance it would be self cancelling (call them and ask that question, but that is the norm). If you are the sole beneficiary of that policy, and are acting as her financial POA at her request, you can do that.
She wants to leave you something, I suspect. But she has not the wherewithall. I agree with you that she doesn't sound entirely competent at least for financial and other executive functioning.
I am not clear what her coordinator is seeing that makes her believe you are enabling her dependence and poor decisions. You could call APS, ask them for a review and pointers. But it sounds to me just on the face of what you write that you are and have been doing well for her for the last three years, and that you are making good solid decisions.
If you are uncertain of legality of your intended action, do check with an elder law attorney. One would likely give you an less expensive phone appt for this single question, and you, as POA acting now, have a right to get solid professional advice.
Just be certain you are keeping a diary as POA and meticulous files and records.
Good luck to you.
And maybe then she'll agree to cancel her life insurance policy, and move into a Medicaid facility, as you "will not and cannot financially support her."
Your mother now needs a rude awakening of what her actual financial situation looks like and it sounds like it's up to you to make sure she does just that.
OP, This actually is true. Although it comes into play when the elder is filing for LTC Medicaid (program that pays for custodial care in a facility). But leave those nuances out when you’re explaining all this to mom.