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Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
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Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I'm 73 (this month) and expect to be a widow alone (hubby is 94 with dementia). I have no children and the planning is a bit treacherous until that time when I am alone. So far I have: 1. Purchased LTC insurance when I turned 50 and continue to pay the premiums -- I have made my DPOA (a woman 10 years my junior) "administrator" on that insurance, so she can step in and make use of it on my behalf. 2. Begun building my "Red Notebook" with the help of a work-book called, Sorry It's Your Problem Now, Because I'm Dead: End of Life Planner that Includes A Complete Record of My Accounts, Heirlooms and More. 3. Designated my DPOA, my Health Proxy & Executor. 4. Completed a will & and advanced directive (which in my state can be converted to a POLST when needed). 5. Begun cleaning out my belongings and hope to whittle down to a studio apartment level of belongings within a year of hubby's demise. 6. Pre-paid for my cremation (and his). 7. Arranged for our burial (both urns in the same grave) and finally 8. Selected specific belongings I want to go to individuals and begun giving them as gifts NOW. So far, that's it. I'm also working on ways to make my "final exit" as my state has only begun the legislative discussions about dignified life-ending assistance.
I am on my own; however, I have an excellent pension (defined benefit plan). I also try to consistently live below my means (with dignity) and save money as I can.. Eventually, I plan to sell my home, and use the proceeds to top up my monthly income, as needed, to enter a retirement home. Hopefully, it will be enough.
If I had children, I would not expect—or even want them—to be caregivers. I have just emerged from a 10-year marathon of caregiving to an aging parent.
I’m thankful that it ended, and never want to do it again.
I would never allow my children to be caregiver to me. That said, I always say here that it takes a LIFETIME of good luck, good jobs, good savings habits, coupon clipping and preparation for aging in order to reach age of being what Dave Ramsey calls "self-insured" meaning you are unlikely to outlive your income and need governmental help, and best case scenario or even LESS than best case, you should be able to afford help and make your exit without your children throwing the most carefee and vital time of their lives onto your burning funeral pyre.
When you think of it, we live too long now. Most of us into our 80s. Geaton's Aunt just passed, still strong in mind, at age 105. My SIL is 71 in a month and his Mom still alive at 92, alive and kicking in fact. He is recently retired. My daughter, his wife, retires in another year. Their child is raised and educated and on his own. THIS is the time for them, with a paid mortgage, to enjoy themselves, travel, do the things they love with NO obligation from an old bat like me, 83 years old.
It's a problem. And more and more of a problem I fear in the future. Once the thought was that we were an aging population and because there are so many of us, there would be creations of lovely metropoli for us everywhere. Money began to be invested into elder care. But nope. Hedgefunds and Corporations that a decade ago thought there was money in this have decided there is NOT, and may be even less in future, and are fleeing the ship like so many rats in the know.
So my advice? Save save save save and work work work (hopefully at something you love). Don't put money into supporting aging relatives; you will soon enough need it. Do not depend on your children. Stay as well as you are able--walk, engage with life, eat a decent diet, and live for the day. No matter WHAT you do, tomorrow can't be assured, or predicted. You do the best you can; we are all different; we all make different choices for ourselves.
And, if you can, plan for end of life (EOL). Try to set aside a "Switzerland Fund" or the equivalent so that, hopefully, you will have some options as the end approaches. As AlvaDeer notes, private equity/hedge funds likely will continue to shed LTC facilities if they can't make generous profits for their members.
"King Donald" and his chainsaw-wielding gazillionaire best buddy are looking to make big cuts to Medicaid. These changes could leave my husband and me in a less-than-optimal position at EOL. Although we have financial resources, they are relatively modest by today's standards. (We're far from wealthy after two lengthy careers in the nonprofit sector.) I suspect that there are many elders in a similar situation.
Frankly, I seriously hope to make my Final Exit before I go broke. At 88, I think that is a reasonable, although not assured, possibility. I have never viewed our family as my retirement plan. They will need their funds for their own senior years.
I plan on not getting old. No joke at all. I'm in my late 50s and have chosen to stop all but critical medical intervention. I no longer have yearly check ups, stopped all mammograms, stopped 90 percent of my maintenance medications and have all my paperwork in order. I believe cancer will take me since several family members have died from it.
We have an only child and I absolutely refuse to put MY child thru the same thing I have watched my husband experience with his mother.
No hyperbole needed -- I live where the winter temps hit 30 degrees below zero and a population of 600+ bears. I have no intention of fighting a bear but have no qualms of driving into the area, getting lost in a blizzard and ending up as bear food if I don't die of a medical problem first.
Saving as much money as I can and staying as healthy as I can. My house is paid for and at the right time, I'll downsize tremendously and move into AL. That is all I can do. We don't know what tomorrow brings, so I can't stress myself unendingly about how to pay for things when I'm 80 because I may not even get there. So I use common sense and spend little and stay healthy. I have made it clear to my nieces (I never had children) that I will absolutely NOT have any of them care for me. I am my mother's caretaker and I will not put this burden on anyone I love.
The nieces and nephews quit visiting after about the first year (and I understand and appreciate that as it is really painful to see my wife like this)— she is 87 and I am 84 (healthy now but never expected to live past 66)— so take care and enjoy every second now. Buena suerte
Absolutely terrified here. Mom passed at 96, Dad at 90. So here I am at age 69 working. Hoping to last until age 70 to retire, but even that gives me pause. Hope I've saved enough to last until my 90s. Hope that Social Security and Medicare are still there for me when I need them most (who knows now that chainsaw guy is at the helm). Hope I've saved enough to hire help when I need it. You can plan and plan until the cows come home, but as some say, "you make plans and God laughs." Of course, that's not to say abandon planning, but even the best plans can go astray because of the unanticipated.
Yes!! Chainsaw Guy and "King Donald" are a highly inauspicious duo for anyone who may eventually need what used to be the safety net in America. Like any large system, it probably didn't work perfectly, but I do not believe there has ever been large scale fraud, waste or abuse.
I am almost 64, separated from my husband of 40 years, and have two children - so I am kind of "butting in" on this conversation (apologies). However, I didn't see this suggestion: lift weights. I have had back surgery but I hired an expert who works with seniors and back pain IMPROVED. Just walking isn't good enough - I have a dog that's half Jack Russell and half Tasmanian Devil and we walk everywhere!! I sit in front of the TV and do sit-stands, and say to myself "on the pot, off the pot". I work on balance issues so I won't fall and break my hip. Luckily my house is paid for and the lower level has an exit to a patio, and I am planning on widening the bathroom door to accommodate a wheelchair. I have a microwave and refrigerator down there because at one time due to an extended illness (and no one to help me) I was too weak to climb the stairs. That episode scared me enough to invest in muscles once I recovered. There was no one to help me then, because my daughter lives 9 hours away, and my son lives nearby but has small children and an extremely stressful job so I will *never* ask him for help. Invest in your MUSCLES!
I've created and organized computer documents about every important aspect of my life. Financial accounts and where to find passwords, social security info, pension info, every single thing I do to run our home (in a document titled "How To Run This Household"), deeds, titles and other legal documents such as my Will scanned to my computer, lists of doctors, disposition of personal possessions. Prepaid funeral plan. Every expense possible is on autopay so that my executor won't have to scramble around figuring out how to keep things going in a stressful time when still mourning my death. Hard copies of these documents are stored in a safe place.
BUT since I've saved everything digitally, all 125 of these documents are saved to a couple of thumb drives, both drives containing the same info. And I've sent the digital folder by DropBox to my executor. She stores it in The Cloud, and a thumb drive is in her safe deposit box.
Most of our heirs work with computers. All of mine do. Long ago I decided that none of them would appreciate paper files or cutesie scrapbooks. Too hard to work with when most things must be done by computer.
I resolved many years ago when my parents left me with a mess of 3 houses cluttered with belongings they collected over 70 years, office building with files going back 50 years and crammed into cardboard boxes and standing file cabinets that hadn't been opened in 20 years, and money in accounts they'd forgotten about, and not enough money in accounts they remembered, that I wouldn't do that to my kids.
My family knows I have enough money scrimped and saved to take care of me! I will not cost them one penny. I never got to go to Paris, though. Sigh. I wish I'd done that before Covid hit and travel got to be not fun.
Wow, hats off to you! You are SUPER organized. I did some of that when I was in my 70s. I wish I'd done it all since, at 88, it seems quite overwhelming. That said, we have a fairly simple life--i.e., one HMO for healthcare, one financial advisor for our retirement funds, a binder with our annual space rent and major renovations, etc. Our Wills, POA, MPOA, prepaid funeral plan, etc. are in folders and on my computer. It's not complete, but it will be a start for our survivors. If my husband (95) and I don't live too much longer, I hope we have enough money to see us through.
You are a stellar example of what I wish I had done while I still had the organizational ability and energy to do it! Y-a-a-y for YOU!
I originally joined this group when I began dealing with my mom's decline. But this subject is very concerning to me at my age now of 77 and my husband is 79. We have no living children after losing our son in 2014.
My mom was always the "in charge" person. She thankfully made me her legal POA. I remember in 2002 going with her to the attorney, but I didn't give a thought to find out what we were really doing. Had I not had that POA I honestly don't know what I would have done to take care of her after the dementia set in.
Completely ignorant, I learned a step at a time. She had a LTC policy. And let me say it was a battle every.single.month to get them to pay. I had to file a complaint with the State; do battle over the phone with the phone person even denying they had received the file.
Also the memory care facility administrator started trying to get rid of her for reasons I still don't know except she - the administrator had some personality problems or something and was eventually replaced.
I said that to relate that even if we have LTC policy (which we do), someone has to oversee every little thing. And hopefully look out for our well being. In the first place facilities and hired care givers and even medical staff are far from having the patients' well being as the first concern except for a few exceptional people.
As I type this I am every moment risking unscrupulous nieces having access to my goods at my demise or disability because I do not have end of life legal papers in place. They already were named by the state as heirs to my mom's because my brother passed unexpectedly. She had left everything to my brother and me, but nobody thought about him passing since he was younger. Something else I learned.
Mom was in the facility about 2-1/2 years before she passed. In total I payed an attorney almost $10,000 to handle the legalities. I feel like attorney fees are exorbitant and take advantage of laymen. When it costs a minimum of $300 to sit across from an attorney for an hour?! - Give me a break!! I can download a will form and POA from my state website. But ultimately will probably pay the attorney fee to get those in place, hoping his advice will not leave any such unknown or unrecognized as I had come up about my mom's estate.
I apologize for the long post and it going off subject. But maybe my issues will alert someone who may not have thought about some of them.
After caring for two uncooperative nonagenarians for the last five years, I truly hope I drop dead from a heart attack for everyone’s sake.
But I probably won’t get that lucky. My husband and I already sold our house in NYC and relocated to the Bay Area and now live in a 725 foot condo so we now live near our only child. I am 69 and my DH is 73. If he predeceases me I plan to go into AL no later than 80, depending on mobility and general health. If my husband’s health fails I will figure out next steps.
i really don’t want my daughter to have to take me in. I want her to live and enjoy her life. I don’t want to be a burden.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If I had children, I would not expect—or even want them—to be caregivers. I have just emerged from a 10-year marathon of caregiving to an aging parent.
I’m thankful that it ended, and never want to do it again.
That said, I always say here that it takes a LIFETIME of good luck, good jobs, good savings habits, coupon clipping and preparation for aging in order to reach age of being what Dave Ramsey calls "self-insured" meaning you are unlikely to outlive your income and need governmental help, and best case scenario or even LESS than best case, you should be able to afford help and make your exit without your children throwing the most carefee and vital time of their lives onto your burning funeral pyre.
When you think of it, we live too long now. Most of us into our 80s. Geaton's Aunt just passed, still strong in mind, at age 105. My SIL is 71 in a month and his Mom still alive at 92, alive and kicking in fact. He is recently retired. My daughter, his wife, retires in another year. Their child is raised and educated and on his own. THIS is the time for them, with a paid mortgage, to enjoy themselves, travel, do the things they love with NO obligation from an old bat like me, 83 years old.
It's a problem. And more and more of a problem I fear in the future. Once the thought was that we were an aging population and because there are so many of us, there would be creations of lovely metropoli for us everywhere. Money began to be invested into elder care. But nope. Hedgefunds and Corporations that a decade ago thought there was money in this have decided there is NOT, and may be even less in future, and are fleeing the ship like so many rats in the know.
So my advice? Save save save save and work work work (hopefully at something you love). Don't put money into supporting aging relatives; you will soon enough need it. Do not depend on your children. Stay as well as you are able--walk, engage with life, eat a decent diet, and live for the day.
No matter WHAT you do, tomorrow can't be assured, or predicted.
You do the best you can; we are all different; we all make different choices for ourselves.
Interesting subject for our discussion.
"King Donald" and his chainsaw-wielding gazillionaire best buddy are looking to make big cuts to Medicaid. These changes could leave my husband and me in a less-than-optimal position at EOL. Although we have financial resources, they are relatively modest by today's standards. (We're far from wealthy after two lengthy careers in the nonprofit sector.) I suspect that there are many elders in a similar situation.
Frankly, I seriously hope to make my Final Exit before I go broke. At 88, I think that is a reasonable, although not assured, possibility. I have never viewed our family as my retirement plan. They will need their funds for their own senior years.
We have an only child and I absolutely refuse to put MY child thru the same thing I have watched my husband experience with his mother.
No hyperbole needed -- I live where the winter temps hit 30 degrees below zero and a population of 600+ bears. I have no intention of fighting a bear but have no qualms of driving into the area, getting lost in a blizzard and ending up as bear food if I don't die of a medical problem first.
That's my old age plan.
I have already told my wife to just put a pillow over my face when the time comes, but I don't think she is going to do it.
I think resistance training also helps maintain bone density which is needed at least for women.
BUT since I've saved everything digitally, all 125 of these documents are saved to a couple of thumb drives, both drives containing the same info. And I've sent the digital folder by DropBox to my executor. She stores it in The Cloud, and a thumb drive is in her safe deposit box.
Most of our heirs work with computers. All of mine do. Long ago I decided that none of them would appreciate paper files or cutesie scrapbooks. Too hard to work with when most things must be done by computer.
I resolved many years ago when my parents left me with a mess of 3 houses cluttered with belongings they collected over 70 years, office building with files going back 50 years and crammed into cardboard boxes and standing file cabinets that hadn't been opened in 20 years, and money in accounts they'd forgotten about, and not enough money in accounts they remembered, that I wouldn't do that to my kids.
My family knows I have enough money scrimped and saved to take care of me! I will not cost them one penny. I never got to go to Paris, though. Sigh. I wish I'd done that before Covid hit and travel got to be not fun.
You are a stellar example of what I wish I had done while I still had the organizational ability and energy to do it! Y-a-a-y for YOU!
My mom was always the "in charge" person. She thankfully made me her legal POA. I remember in 2002 going with her to the attorney, but I didn't give a thought to find out what we were really doing. Had I not had that POA I honestly don't know what I would have done to take care of her after the dementia set in.
Completely ignorant, I learned a step at a time. She had a LTC policy. And let me say it was a battle every.single.month to get them to pay. I had to file a complaint with the State; do battle over the phone with the phone person even denying they had received the file.
Also the memory care facility administrator started trying to get rid of her for reasons I still don't know except she - the administrator had some personality problems or something and was eventually replaced.
I said that to relate that even if we have LTC policy (which we do), someone has to oversee every little thing. And hopefully look out for our well being. In the first place facilities and hired care givers and even medical staff are far from having the patients' well being as the first concern except for a few exceptional people.
As I type this I am every moment risking unscrupulous nieces having access to my goods at my demise or disability because I do not have end of life legal papers in place. They already were named by the state as heirs to my mom's because my brother passed unexpectedly. She had left everything to my brother and me, but nobody thought about him passing since he was younger. Something else I learned.
Mom was in the facility about 2-1/2 years before she passed. In total I payed an attorney almost $10,000 to handle the legalities. I feel like attorney fees are exorbitant and take advantage of laymen. When it costs a minimum of $300 to sit across from an attorney for an hour?! - Give me a break!!
I can download a will form and POA from my state website. But ultimately will probably pay the attorney fee to get those in place, hoping his advice will not leave any such unknown or unrecognized as I had come up about my mom's estate.
I apologize for the long post and it going off subject. But maybe my issues will alert someone who may not have thought about some of them.
so heartbreaking.
But I probably won’t get that lucky. My husband and I already sold our house in NYC and relocated to the Bay Area and now live in a 725 foot condo so we now live near our only child. I am 69 and my DH is 73. If he predeceases me I plan to go into AL no later than 80, depending on mobility and general health. If my husband’s health fails I will figure out next steps.
i really don’t want my daughter to have to take me in. I want her to live and enjoy her life. I don’t want to be a burden.
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