My mom is a very shrewd woman, in the early stages of Alzheimers...she is very manipulative & really must be watched almost constantly...she seems to pick & choose the things she remembers...how can I tell if it's the Alzheimer's or her being coniving?
Your mom's brain is damaged. If she has always been a shrewd, manipulative person, she probably still has those "skills" to communicate with. But HER BRAIN IS DAMAGED. Stop trying to figure out what part of her behavior is coming from the brain damage and which part might be her long-term personality. It doesn't matter.
She is now a vulnerable adult. She needs protection, love, acceptance, care.
I don't mean that you need to allow yourself to be manipulated. I hope resisting manipulation is a skill you've learned along the way. I just mean do your best to act in her best interests and don't worry about what motivates her behavior. Give up any notion that you can "teach" her not to try to manipulate you. She has a damaged brain, remember?
I had the same concerns with my loved one. She was an only child and had always been rather spoiled and selfish. So, when the dementia first started, we mistook it for her being lazy and spoiled. But, we were wrong. It was the dementia. Eventually, you will see what I mean. Actually, after the dementia really progressed, my loved one became less self absorbed and not nearly as demanding. I guess it depends on the person.