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Mom is 89 and has moderate dementia. She needs someone to be at the house with her 24 hours a day. She has 12 hours of caregivers daily but someone needs to be there overnight. A live-in person could live there rent free and only help to get her to bed.


Any suggestions?

She has caregivers?
Ideal!
I would speak with them about recommendations.
It's always hard to vet folks who are good. People who take on overnight work sometimes work too jobs and are too sleep.
Rent free doesn't work. Would you stay up wondering, watching and worry just so you could live in someone else's home, and work full time the next day somewhere else?

You understand, I know, the enormous expenditure you are looking at. When my friend was in hospice a few years ago she needed 24/7 care to be home. Two women worked EVERY DAY, 12 hour shifts together, 20 hour plus they always had food brought in. And even at that fair--ever cheap--rate, the money hemorrhaged out of her accounts.

Has there been any consideration of memory care, nursing home, Board and Care or ALF?

I can only wish you good luck. The usual places, Care.com and agencies in your area, next-door, recommendations are there, but everything today is so unreliable. It's really tough.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Hood12 Mar 27, 2025
Thank you so much. Your response gives me a lot to think about.
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You cannot offer room and board and not pay the person. If they have to be available during the night, they have to be paid for that shift. They come on at 10 and leave at 8, they are paid that 10 hrs. There are laws to protect live-ins. Call your labor board to find out what they are in your State.
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Hood12 Mar 29, 2025
Thank you very much.
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Finding and keeping overnight help is hard. It's what my sister and I are struggling with right now for our mom. Mom gets up between 3 and 6 times in the night to use her commode and my sister is afraid she will fall because when Mom is sleepy she is unsteady so she gets up with her. My sister needs more sleep. I stay there one night a week to do overnights and she has a hired caregiver one other night but my sister still isn't getting enough sleep. I don't know why finding overnight care is so difficult but it definitely is.
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fowlercraig Apr 8, 2025
I went through the same thing. Your mom NEEDs to wear diapers overnight! She’ll fight it for several nights, but you have to stand firm. Tell her the alternative is the hospital because she will fall. You and your sister need to sleep.
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Not sure why your mom isn't living in a personal care home, but that may be better since there is 24 hour care.
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Reply to Onlychild2024
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I advertised on Craigslist gig. I wrote a very specific list of duties and responsibilities. I also stated there are cameras in the home. The gig is 10 dollars for 30 days but you will get your best people in the first few days. I quickly screened to the top person and texted (a number was included). I have done this 3 times (I have mom, mil and one person left because of her own family situation). I also gave a glimpse of the personality of my MIL (cannot have thin skin-she has very little filter). I described a normal routine. In your situation, you will want to state the barter -her furnished room and run of the house, food allowance (I would not say all meals are included because the person may eat lavishly). Wifi, tv. Address sleepovers. You may want a rule of no sleepovers. That no sleepover rule will help you not have 2 people or more moving in! It may also help the person to say no to sleepovers because you have cameras. Terminate immediately if there is a broken rule. I usually say “it is important that you are happy and I am happy, if the parameters of this job doesn’t work for you, I would like a 2 week notice. If I decide the work situation of this job isn’t working for me, I will give you a 2 week notice”. If the reason for leaving is due to a broken rule, there will be no 2 weeks notice.” I called every reference. I started each person with a trial period of a month to see if we were both satisfied with the arrangement. I then talked to the hired lady and asked her if she wanted to continue, was there something I needed to do or not do. I had delightful hires. I did prayerfully move on every step.
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Reply to Tandemfun4us
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You would need to pay the overnight caregiver just like you pay other caregivers. "Living there rent free" is not enough.
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Reply to RedVanAnnie
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The “free room and board” is no longer a common thing. The people who would accept it are ones you don’t want in the house.

She needs memory care.
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Reply to LoopyLoo
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There are many business that offer in home care. I would use one of them that is licensed with the state. They charge 35-50 $ and hour but they are reliable and good.
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Reply to RetiredBrain
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Start with volunteers: family, friends, neighbors, members of faith community. Ask for just 1 night per week or a couple of nights per month. Then fill in with paid help. Somebody doing college classes online might be willing to do the night shift - but will expect to be paid. Home health care agencies can also supply night time sitters.
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