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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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SO MUCH TO DO! How do you complete tasks for an ungrateful B! I listen to the way I talk about my mother and I feel like the anti Christ! I have a list of tasks to do and don't want to do any of it. Don't get me started on the holidays and how I want to avoid her.
I think there is a difference between being a caregiver for someone who just ungrateful or annoying and someone who is actively abusive or horrible. In one case you just grudgingly do what you must do and in the other case you walk away.
I didn't like my father. My father didn't like me. He wasn't abusive or anything like that, he was just self involved and had no idea how his decisions and actions impacted others. He never did during his entire life. He was very social and had lots of friends and everyone thought he was wonderful and I felt like a horrible person for disliking him as I did. I tried to make my complaints and comments in a joking manner with my friends but they weren't fooled.
As a caregiver I did what I had to do but I never had him live with me, I was very clear on my boundaries, and I was clear if he crossed that line I would just let him deal on his own. I would let him know what I would and would not do and if he complained (or yelled) I'd just walk away. He lived to 102. I was positive I would die first.
So, just set your boundaries, keep your distance, do the minimum required and ignore the comments about "You're so lucky to still have him."
To be totally honest, I hate every minute of helping my mentally ill mother. For example, just today she told me her take on a situation that just demonstrates (for the millionth time) what a nasty person she is. She has a friend of many decades and the lady’s husband, who had a very old and loved dog. Awhile back the husband accidentally stepped on the dog. Many vet visits , distress followed, but the dog had to be put down. Today mother said she thinks the husband did it on purpose so they could travel more easily without a dog. There is a long story and many other posts on here as to how I ended up helping my mother. I only get through it by treating her with polite distance as if she were merely my client/ patient. This works , except for holidays where she wants all the fun and bells a whistles, and in our recent hurricane, where she ended up on my couch for 9 hellish days. My husband told a coworker the worst part of the storm was her at our house, and the coworker laughed. He has no idea how true that statement really was. What also gets me by is that I do not care ONe bit if mother loves me. I only need to her like me enough to cooperate with my efforts to keep her stable.
Like already said, you just don't. But the real question is, why do you feel that you must? Once you can unpack that, you'll be better able to move forward in a more healthy manner. Your mother can hire a handyman, yard man, someone to take her to her appointments, and whatever other help she needs with her money of course. Or she can move into an assisted living facility where all of that will be done for her. You just apparently need to find your voice once and for all and learn how to say and use the word NO. Once you start using that small but powerful 2 letter word, you will find your life improving daily.
I have felt much-needed peace since I no longer have contact with toxic people who make everyone miserable! I'm sure they expected me to just hang on and put up with their rudeness, snarking, talking behind my back, and lies. (And I got tired of hearing their lies about everyone else, which were meant to make the liar look good but had the opposite effect!)
You can put that sort of thing behind you. All that's needed is a wee bit of courage and a deafening silence when they try to continue as part of your life. Three months until Christmas! That's just the right amount of time to dump them, making it a happy holiday for you.
Wow! I completely understand! I know you are just being honest and don't take what you've said in a bad way. My Mom lives 250 away from me in a tiny home that we built for her ourselves. She may not be as bad as a 'B', but she is definitely a contrary and contentious woman. I'm going through the same thing right now. So far, my faith has gotten me through the worst times, but harder times are coming, I'm sure. I finally convinced my Mom to hire a cleaning lady, but I'll be surprised if she follows through with it. I was just wondering this morning how to have the holiday season and not take her everywhere we go. I think a person needs their own private time for their own emotional and mental sanity; but how do you that without seeming cold hearted? I may not have helped you, but at least you know you're not alone......
Same! My difficult mother lived 55’ from us. I foolishly thought it would help our relationship to be neighbours because I was starting to have kids and we lived hours apart. It angered her that our lives didn’t revolved around her. It wasn’t until she developed dementia that I was able to get her out of here.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I didn't like my father. My father didn't like me. He wasn't abusive or anything like that, he was just self involved and had no idea how his decisions and actions impacted others. He never did during his entire life. He was very social and had lots of friends and everyone thought he was wonderful and I felt like a horrible person for disliking him as I did. I tried to make my complaints and comments in a joking manner with my friends but they weren't fooled.
As a caregiver I did what I had to do but I never had him live with me, I was very clear on my boundaries, and I was clear if he crossed that line I would just let him deal on his own. I would let him know what I would and would not do and if he complained (or yelled) I'd just walk away. He lived to 102. I was positive I would die first.
So, just set your boundaries, keep your distance, do the minimum required and ignore the comments about "You're so lucky to still have him."
What also gets me by is that I do not care ONe bit if mother loves me. I only need to her like me enough to cooperate with my efforts to keep her stable.
Your mother can hire a handyman, yard man, someone to take her to her appointments, and whatever other help she needs with her money of course. Or she can move into an assisted living facility where all of that will be done for her.
You just apparently need to find your voice once and for all and learn how to say and use the word NO. Once you start using that small but powerful 2 letter word, you will find your life improving daily.
You can put that sort of thing behind you. All that's needed is a wee bit of courage and a deafening silence when they try to continue as part of your life. Three months until Christmas! That's just the right amount of time to dump them, making it a happy holiday for you.
You have no moral or legal obligation to provide care of any sort for your mother or anyone else except for minor children.