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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I still do everything for myself. I currently pay him $1750 per mo. Free room and board. He is free to pursue a social life and spends one week a month with his lady friend at her home 500 miles away. I pay utilities and for anything else I need.
Hi Joe, as you’re calculating this out, take into consideration the fact that if caring for you his only employment, your son may not be acquiring an adequate work history which will impact his social security. He will be less able to contribute to an IRA to save for his own care needs in the future. He will likely have a hard time establishing credit if he someday wants to buy a home. There are probably a zillion other things you both need to think about before signing the dotted line on this arrangement. Hopefully the more financially savvy on this forum will chime in. If you are doing everything for yourself, why do you need him to live with you? What, exactly does he do for you that is worth him giving up his ability to make a secure future for himself? I’m sure there are extenuating circumstances here that are not in your post but sometimes young people make poor decisions because they are easy. It’s up to their parent to set them straight - or try to. Best of luck to you both.
Thank you for your rapid response. I think it is more a case of he needs me. I only started paying him when his unemployment ran out. So he feels he is my caregiver. A big mistake on my part. It was the middle of the pandemic
It sounds like you're actually hurting your son more than you're helping him, as he needs to be working a real job and paying into his social security for when he is older and will need it and won't have you around to enable him. I'm sure you meant well initially, but since you yourself say that you don't need any of his help, but instead are doing this more for him than you, it may be time to tell him that this free ride he's been getting is coming to an end sooner than later. It's time your son grows up and gets out on his own, gets a job, and starts paying his way in life, because that's what grown-ups do. I know how easy it is for us parents to enable our children because we think we're helping them, when again in reality all we're doing is hurting them. I do hope you want the best for your son, and now want him to spread his wings and fly away from you, as that is what is most healthy for all involved.
Your son needs to get a job outside of the home. If you are self sufficient at the moment I think free room and board so you do have someone around in case of an emergency is enough. If he isn't actually taking care of you then what are you paying him for? What does he do around the house that you are unable to do yourself?
You shouldn't pay him anything if this "caregiver" "job" is a cover for the fact that he hasn't been working for years. What's his job description?
Most people who have a job pay rent or room and board somewhere. Also, if you are his employer, you need to be withholding for his taxes, social security and so on. You need to file forms and provide IRS forms to him at the end of the year so he can claim the income. Also, how about insurance (of all sorts)?
What it looks like to me is that he's doing his thing, comes and goes as he pleases, and you're stuck with subsidizing his no-job lifestyle. Keeping him dependent on you is the worst thing you could do for this young man. He needs to pay taxes like a grown-up, amass credits with Social Security so that he won't be short-changed sometime in the future when he needs SS benefits for disability or to retire with a decent income, and learn how to live on his own and make responsible decisions.
The whole point of raising children is to make them strong enough to be independent from us so that they don't fall flat on their faces when we're not around anymore. I'd say your son is about 12 inches from planting his nose on the ground.
So I am clear, you pay him as caregiver but no caregiving is given? Does he handle the mowing and snow removal if applicable? And if truly no caregiving is happening what is the reason for the monthly stipend?
You are free to make any contract for any amount you choose, can afford, and wish with your son. Just remember it should be a solid contract with rights to reassess if it is working for BOTH of you every six months or so. You cannot simply "give" this money to him. That would look like gifting. Then let us say son decides to move out and move on and perhaps marry and leave the states, where would would be left would be with no care and the fact you "gifted" money. So you would be self caring in care while your money lasted but if it didn't last for 5 years they would not grant you Medicaid funding due to your having given your son money.
So if you make a care contract then you need a good paper trail which starts in an ATTORNEY OFFICE and has a monthly file to prove who you paid and for what. That way if he leaves the payments stop and you can enter care safely with your remaining funds, and apply for Medicaid when you run out.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If you are doing everything for yourself, why do you need him to live with you? What, exactly does he do for you that is worth him giving up his ability to make a secure future for himself?
I’m sure there are extenuating circumstances here that are not in your post but sometimes young people make poor decisions because they are easy. It’s up to their parent to set them straight - or try to. Best of luck to you both.
I'm sure you meant well initially, but since you yourself say that you don't need any of his help, but instead are doing this more for him than you, it may be time to tell him that this free ride he's been getting is coming to an end sooner than later.
It's time your son grows up and gets out on his own, gets a job, and starts paying his way in life, because that's what grown-ups do.
I know how easy it is for us parents to enable our children because we think we're helping them, when again in reality all we're doing is hurting them.
I do hope you want the best for your son, and now want him to spread his wings and fly away from you, as that is what is most healthy for all involved.
Most people who have a job pay rent or room and board somewhere. Also, if you are his employer, you need to be withholding for his taxes, social security and so on. You need to file forms and provide IRS forms to him at the end of the year so he can claim the income. Also, how about insurance (of all sorts)?
What it looks like to me is that he's doing his thing, comes and goes as he pleases, and you're stuck with subsidizing his no-job lifestyle. Keeping him dependent on you is the worst thing you could do for this young man. He needs to pay taxes like a grown-up, amass credits with Social Security so that he won't be short-changed sometime in the future when he needs SS benefits for disability or to retire with a decent income, and learn how to live on his own and make responsible decisions.
The whole point of raising children is to make them strong enough to be independent from us so that they don't fall flat on their faces when we're not around anymore. I'd say your son is about 12 inches from planting his nose on the ground.
So if you make a care contract then you need a good paper trail which starts in an ATTORNEY OFFICE and has a monthly file to prove who you paid and for what. That way if he leaves the payments stop and you can enter care safely with your remaining funds, and apply for Medicaid when you run out.
Very important you do this the legal way. VERY.