I can't do enough for parents-financially, emotionally. Mother has alienated family and friends and I am left trying to manage them. Always out of money- feels as if my husband and I should be helping them more. Now if I try and spend time with husband-taking care of self she explodes. Today she tried to throw things at me as I was dropping off gift card (my dad did not "Like" the birthday presents I chose for him) Ugh- I am a therapist and I know the answer to this...Yes I will seek help first thing. Yes I am buying books now. Give me some hints. This is triggering all of my childhood PTSD.
I wish more time than I can count that I would have stayed in NC and never came back. The only go thing was I was able to be with my dad his last years. That I am very thankful for and I would have never met my loving BF if I didn't come back home.
Please don't waste your time on people who don't value you. Remember we can't buy more time & there are no do overs!
Good luck
Could I suggest detaching big time? And remember, some people are not, and never will be, decent loving parents. You neither want not need the approval of these people. Tragic but true.
Well, not literally, but your siblings have managed to remove themselves from the toxic atmosphere surrounding your mother. You need to do that, too, without necessarily the inconvenience of physically moving.
Your mother's mental illness is Not Your Fault. Your parents' financial problems are Not Your Fault. Your mother's inability to manage her emotions is Not Your Fault. Whatever you have to do to protect yourself and your husband from your parents' irrational expectations, don't spend a minute feeling guilty about it! This is Not Your Fault!
I am very sympathetic to people who have mental health problems. I'll bet you are too, or why would you go into therapy? BUT allowing someone else's mental illness to make your life miserable does not cure their problems and just adds more misery to the world (which has enough, have you noticed?)
Get whatever help you need to "leave town."