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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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My wife is in memory care. Alzheimer's. Late medium to early late. I spend the night with her almost every night. For me this seems like the right thing to do. But what about her and what about those who care for her?
Thanks for your answer. Staff doesn't mind. And she does take a sleep aid. But the time between dinner and bed time is when she experiences the most confusion and fear, if not terror. I hate the thought of her going through that time alone. I think I could leave after she has gone to bed and she might do just fine sleeping alone. I generally get a good nights sleep, but there is a definite hangover. Sometimes I can't do anything during the day but stare at the tv, but after a days rest at home I can get with it. I'm going to try coming home after she goes to bed and see how that goes.
I think you should get her used to the place without you. So first maybe stay till she falls asleep & then leave! You need sleep too. She’s not going to remember that you were there five minutes after you leave, but she’ll probably be calmer. You can’t keep this up unless you want to end up having to be there instead of it being a choice. Hugs 🤗
Well, it's kind of backward to the way most people do it but if it works for you and the facility doesn't mind then why not? I can see the benefit of having many hands to help her during the day, plus it gives you the opportunity to pursue your interests.
You are kind. Sometimes I can't seem to find anything I'm interested in. It's all part of the same mess. I worry about being more wrapped in her life than is good for me. Playing God? Failure to accept reality?
You are being loving and kind and beyond....I have no advice, I just think your wife is really lucky to have you. A hubby who is CHOOSING to spend his nights in a MC facility to be with his wife. I personally, cannot fathom that.
It doesn't seem like this could be hurting your wife. It's so sweet that you can do this for her. Sounds very helpful for you to be there during the sundown period.
I would just caution against making this a habit that you would feel guilty about if you could not make it, due to whatever reason. If she and the staff become dependent on you sleeping there every night, could be setting up a problem.
Also, I forgot to advise...the staff there will expect that you will be the one who’s going to change her diaper & wash her up before bedtime & also diaper change during night. They will depend on you to do the dirty work even though you’re paying for them to do it.
There are still some very special couples on this planet, from the Greatest Generation who are devoted to each other. Role models for the rest of us. The bond is great, the love is sure. It sounds to me that this gentleman is taking care of himself by having reached the point of knowing he cannot care for his wife on his own...but still wants to spend the majority of his waking hours with her. And so why not? I can't imagine that the staff is not touched and his presence keeps his wife soothed and is one less person they have to be as concerned about. Bless them both.
My dad would let mom be on her own in memory care all morning until 2 or so in the afternoon. Mornings were baths, hairdresser, breakfast, and social hour. Dad would go at 3 until 4:30 when it was time for supper. He would walk her to the table and sit her with her friends and tell her he had some running to do and he would be back. He always went back at 6;30 after his supper and sat with her until he put her to bed every night. He would sit in a chair next to her until she fell asleep and then he would quietly leave. Same routine every day for 1 1/2 years. The staff adored him because he treated them all like family and he was able to be with mom and yet take care of things at home and get a good nights sleep in his own bed. No matter what, it was clear that he adored and loved my mom as it is clear you adore and love your wife.
I am really glad I posted my question. Answers like yours are priceless. I am thinking about doing it the way your father did. There is something to be said for sleeping together. My wife's brain may be essentially lost, but I think she remembers and still craves , at some level, the feeling of being held by someone who loves her. There's not much to be gained by comparing our situation to the situations of others in this MC. I don't know what their stories are. But I do know these others do not get held nearly as much as they need by people who love them. Your father's middle way appeals to me.
As long as the care facilitie doesn't mind and you sleep good, there's nothing wrong with it. If your not sleeping well that could effect your health, then you might want your own bed. I understand, you feel better with your wife. Being married a long time and being used to being in the same place for many years is hard to change.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If she is terrified, you may want to ask her doctor if there is something she can be given.
You are being loving and kind and beyond....I have no advice, I just think your wife is really lucky to have you. A hubby who is CHOOSING to spend his nights in a MC facility to be with his wife. I personally, cannot fathom that.
God bless you!
I would just caution against making this a habit that you would feel guilty about if you could not make it, due to whatever reason. If she and the staff become dependent on you sleeping there every night, could be setting up a problem.
And care for yourself....truly, care for yourself.
h
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