Mum lost her son in 2019 suddenly, and myself my beloved brother.
Fast forward to now, Mum has dementia and is fixated on everyone dying and it’s driving me slightly nuts. Is this PTSD mixed with dementia??
In her mind 4 people have recently suddenly past away and she remains in a grieving state. It’s not only getting her down but it’s getting me down as well as I absorb any negative emotions and it takes me back to my brothers passing when I’m trying to move on and think of positive thoughts. The people she refers to have either passed ages ago (like my uncle or her father) OR they are people we don’t even know of personally (ie a movie actor) but she grieves as if it were personal.
Is there a way I could navigate her brain away from being fixated on death? I’ve avoided talking about my brother but I also don’t want to make her to completely forget about him (ie remove pictures of him around the house).
To me it feels like she’s broadcasting some form of PTSD and is getting confused over who has actually died and when.
I wish she was focused on a more positive thing... :( is this in any way possible or will she forever remain grieving until she no longer remembers these individuals? Obviously counselling would unlikely help as she wouldn’t remember...
Try to keep her engaged in anything - folding laundry, doing puzzles, calling friends or relatives on the phone, doing scratch off lottery tickets....I even used to get my Mom to do chair exercises, she would laugh and tell me what a pain I am lol
If at all possible, get her outside every day - it is the best mood enhancer - whether she can walk with a walker or needs to be pushed in a wheelchair.
At those times when she is stuck in obsessing and you can't re-direct her, just let her talk and say comforting things like "I know how hard it is for you". You'd be surprised at how little it takes to have her feel "heard", at which time it will be easier to re-direct.
Hope these suggestions help.
You get better at the redirecting with time. If she is not already on an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety med, maybe starting one would help as well.