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Our mother is somewhat capable of managing her affairs. I am financial POA but not in effect. Our sister is pressuring mother into paying for her mortgages, car payments, cash, and the like. No other siblings live in same town. This has been the "elephant in the room" for years but now stops our mother from spending money on her needs of care givers, medical services, etc. Social worker was no help at the geriatric center.
Last time all siblings were in same town the sister disappeared. She said she had to work while we were just there visiting and welcomes a family meeting. I have asked for us to have sibling meeting to discuss what is happening. I want her to stop taking money from our mother and live as she is able on her income. She plays the twice divorced card and yet has a house worth more than anyone else in the family that our parents bought for her. Our mother is twice suicidal due to pressure from all the stress of money matters.
How do I bring up that she is taking so much money from our mother. Over $450 a week from ATM. It seems that literally buying her a house was not enough.

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If you know the times when your sister is going to be home, show up at her doorstep for a candid chat in the early evening. And bring Mom with you so she can actually see how well your sibling is living thanks to her $.

Your Mom has a soft spot for her, probably because she's either the eldest or the runt. But until she learns to say "No" and mean it, sis over there will keep taking advantage and leave you to deal with the wreckage.

Roll up your sleeves and tie your hair up. This one might get ugly.
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I don't know if there is anything you can do if your mother is competent. It doesn't look like your sister has the shame to stop. I had an alcoholic brother who bled my parents for years. I didn't realize the full extent of it until I took over their finances and started shredding documents. During some years my mother was giving them over $20,000 to pay rent and do other things. They paid for my brother's daughters education on top of that. I used to tell my mother to stop, that she was hurting my brother and not helping him. But my words fell on deaf ears. My father came to hate my brother. He didn't want to give him money, but couldn't get my mother to stop. It is a bad situation, but if your mother is competent only she can say no. The end result with my brother is that, despite all the help with money, he lost his family, his home, and died when he was 57. I wonder if his life could have been better if some tough love had been administered. He never had to grow up because his mother was always bailing him out. So he drank himself to death.
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Your sister is an addict if she needs $450 a week. Cancel all ATM cards, pronto. Meet with the other sisters and agree on a strategy, which may mean an intervention, or no more ATM cards, but whatever it is you must all be on the same page. If you are united and talk to mom about NOT enabling the addict, she may agree with your plan to cure the problem. It won't be easy.
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Right on psteigman! Cancel the ATMs talk to mom about a reasonable allowance for mom and then have mom transfer most funds to various term CDs. Make it impossible for sister to keep bleeding her. Get a financial advisor to come over and speak with mom and you about planning moms future and having money available for moms long term care and expenses. Does mom realize that if she needs a care facility it could be $4500/mo? Does she realize the cost can rocket to $8000 or more for good NH care should she need it? What does mom think will be left in estate for remaining family when she gives it all to sister?

At the very least, all funds given to sister should be accounted for and addendum drawn up to estate will stating that this $$ will be deducted from sisters share of the estate in the end...provided any is left.

I would tell her she isn't getting one more dime and if she needs money, get a second job, a roommate or sell the house and move someplace she can afford.
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File a gift tax return with the IRS, form 709 and tell them in detail how much the recipient has received. LOL, that will fix her wagon!!
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Can you become the "bad cop?" Get ahold of your mother's checkbook and have her tell Sis that you won't let her get at her money any more. Pay all her bills yourself. Is there anyone in town who could give her a small amount of cash every week, to be reimbursed by you, but no more? It sounds tough.
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Advice, do your parents understand that they may need their assets to fund their care as they age? Has anyone ever gone with them to an eldercare attorney to make out poa, advance directives and a will?

Yes, if they are competent, they can do as they please. But you might tell them, calmly and not in a fit of anger, that they will be ineligible for assistance down the road due to gifting of their assets. And that you will not be available to provide care. Find out how much Assisted Living and Nursing Homes cost in your area.
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Elder financial abuse by family members is highly common. It is seldom to never prosecuted. If you are POA for finances, it is your obligation to deal with this problem on a going forward basis. Try to forget the past. Consult a specialist who can devise a financial plan to take care of your mother for the remainder of her life. Get your mother to buy into the plan. If she doesn't, then decline to continue to accept the role of POA for finances. If there is any surplus money, than it is your mother's decision on how to distribute it.
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get bank records such as I had done to show evidence of your sister stealing your mothers monies from her account without asking.
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WOW I have almost the same problem except my brother has now moved into her house, She can't say no. I have always been her sole support escept financially. I have told her I will no longer clean her house while he is there, I will not clean up after a 60 y/o man who is just there to manipulate and extort. What other options are there?
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