My MIL was finally diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in August after we got a visiting physician to come see her in the home. We then followed with a Neurologist who confirmed the diagnosis and reported it as Moderate “pretty far along” stage. They put her on Namenda and said “it might help, but it probably won’t” and sent us on our way! We had been dealing with very difficult behaviors for a few years before the diagnosis. So we pretty much expected this diagnosis. Miraculously she and my FIL had completed their POA years ago before he had passed which names my husband. My husband and I both work and we were struggling to meet her needs at home. She is incredibly resistant to care and does not believe she has Alzheimer’s and thinks we have coerced the doctors into providing the diagnosis. All very typical of the disease, I know. With the help of a close friend we moved mountains and got her into the facility under the guise of a trial period. It was brutal for about 6 weeks and things have progressively calmed down. Our main issue is that she will not allow staff to clean her room or do her laundry. She is very guarded about anyone entering her room. We are there 1-2 times a week, we only live a mile away. The facility is wonderful and the staff are fantastic! Her initial care plan had assistance for personal tasks such as clothing selection, standby assist for bathing etc. she is quite physically well despite her cognitive impairments. After two months of her refusing the care they removed her care plan entirely. However, she’s not showering and she wears the same clothes most days. I have been sneaking her laundry home to wash and it is terribly dirty. Her room smells of dirty laundry. She wouldn’t dare allow me to assist with showering. And just getting her laundry is a fight which then turns into her yelling about how she is fine and wants to go home and she can do everything herself. But I’m really struggling with the dirty laundry and poor personal care. I can’t force her to accept the care, but it’s such a health concern to me that she’s going without baths and wearing dirty clothes. This disease is so brutal. Just getting a few towels and some bras and underwear from her today took it all out of me. I feel like the facility should be making a greater effort to develop a trusting rapport with her. Or is she just totally inappropriate for AL and should be in MC? Sorry to be so long winded. I just find these forums incredibly helpful!
As long as this is "working" for the facility it is OK, but facilities have an obligation of care to their clients who CAN be in this situation, and it isn't fair that they have to deal with someone unbathed.
I would make an appointment this week with the Admin at your facility. I would tell them you wish to discuss if Mom is in the correct level of care and ask that they speak with Mom's caregivers directly before they meet with you.
Good luck. Sounds like the MD pegged it with the "pretty far along".
(I will say that I am a firm believer that a person diagnosed with dementia should not be in AL anyway as there is a greater chance for them deciding to go for a walk and get lost, or get on the facility van to the store and get confused and lost)
Can the staff get into her room and clean and get laundry when she is a a meal or other activity?
I can understand about the shower. We say "I'm going to take a shower" and it is easy but if you think about it there are so many steps we take to get everything together, then the number of steps to actually taking the shower there is a lot to it.
I am not really surprised the staff in the AL does not deal with this. The staff in MC is mush more used to dealing with the person with dementia than other staff.
I would begin the switch to MC.
It seems like your loved one needs a higher level of care.
Is there Memory care in the same facility ciy?