When do we start the process for the DPOA? MIL won't discuss it and we understand why, but we really need to get the paperwork in order. She lives with us full time and has to have help with everything. The doctor is trying to wait on her and us to get her finances in order before he moves forward with documenting anything else about her condition. I guess my question is how bad does she have to get before she can no longer make those choices?
If your husband's parents have their mental capacity, they can make their own decisions for medical treatment, where to live, et al. If they're not mentally able, your husband will need the DPOA for finances and health care to act on their behalf. There's a sub-forum called "POA and Guardianship" here on this forum that may help answer your and his questions. If his parents have a lawyer, DH (Dear Husband) may want to consult with him/her.
I think you might find our Common Caregiving Abbreviations and Acronyms Glossary helpful for navigating posts in the Caregiver Forum.
You can find it here: https://www.agingcare.com/articles/common-caregiving-abbreviations-and-acronyms-435589.htm
Take care!
I had to use the theraputic lies to get my parents to update their Wills which were older then dirt. I told my Dad that because of new laws over the years, the way his Will was written, the government could get half of his estate. His ears perked up. Couple weeks later I took my parents to see an "Elder Law Attorney".
One time in the hospital with my Dad, I used another theraputic lie about how I couldn't make any decisions for Dad, that Mom should have come with us since she was his POA. Mom didn't go as she could barely see and was very hard of hearing even with hearing aids. The Attorney did new Power of Attorney where my parents were still POA for each other but my name was also added.
Make sure on the POA that the address of Mom's home is fully stated, otherwise you could run into snags with the Settlement/Title Company at closing when the house sells if no address is mentioned.
Our Attorney also did a Medical Directive/Living Will.
You mentioned your Mom still owns her home. Hopefully your Mom had contacted her homeowners insurance carrier to let him/her know the home is vacant. If something should happen to the home and the insurance carrier wasn't notified the place was empty, the carrier may not pay for any damage. The insurance on a empty home is much higher was such homes are a higher risk.
Whew, things can get so complex as we age.
Depending on her status, I might inquire info from the attorney on Guardianship.
Only... you do know what you told him about complete strangers and his wishes not being honoured wasn't true, right? Those court-appointed complete strangers would be just as bound as any family member to take his expressed preferences into account.
You couldn't be righter about responsibility without authority.
I pray for you and family that you can get her to sign.
Do you mean that there is already a DPOA in existence and you are waiting to spring it? If your MIL won't discuss it - you may understand why, I'm not sure I do - then you could try calling her bluff: go ahead and spring and let her try to stop you.
I'm also not clear what the doctor might be wanting to document that would be better not mentioned until the finances are in hand. Unless... do you mean that you *don't* have a DPOA yet, and he is trying to help you get one by not declaring your MIL incompetent until you do?