She cannot live alone or bathe or cook any longer, and she is happy in her new home. But I don’t want to hurt her by not moving her out or by not taking her out daily as she seems to expect when covid restrictions are over. I’m a little fearful of too much fall-hazard activity. She wants to go shopping.
Bear in mind some days she’s much more lucid than others, but advice is needed on how to explain she’s not really capable of what she dreams of.
The COVID risk is lessened with vaccine, but it is not eliminated. There is little data so far on the efficacy of the vaccine against new variants, and even newer variants continue to evolve.
Continue COVID cautions for now and decide on outings with your mother only if they can be arranged safely.
https://www.advisory.com/daily-briefing/2021/02/01/pandemic-end
Just put limits on the outings such as only to a park, a walk, a Sonic for ice cream or to have her hair done. Wear 2 face masks and gloves. Use hand sanitizer upon entry and existing any stores. Really, it's gonna be okay honey. Have a wonderful time with your mother while you can. I would give anything in this world for just one more minute with my mother! 🙄
My mother-in-law's caregivers used to take her out for drives or to a local park. My mom won't go in a car because it bothers her arthritis so much, but I and her caregivers take her out around the retirement community. She likes to shop at the second-hand store and the little pharmacy. She also liked to order things from catalogs until they got overwhelming and I had to cancel them all.
Just keep kicking it down the road.
My mom has been 100% 'locked down' for a year. She is allowed by YB to sit in the car in the parking lot of the grocery store for 1 hr every other week. He won't even allow any of us to take her on a drive out to just get out of the house--get a burger, whatever.
Now she's developed a kind of agoraphobia and states she doesn't want to go anywhere--actually didn't get her 1st covid shot until last week and she's 91. YB just wouldn't schedule it.
I think this has become the new norm for a lot of elderly people. My MIL had to be dragged to get her shot...poor SIL took her. MIL stated she's never leaving her house again, ever. Both these women have anxiety up the wazoo--it's so sad. I'm sure they aren't alone in that.
Having dementia brings a whole new set of challenges. You're just going to need to wait and see what kind of person your mom comes out of this--she may not even WANT to leave her place.
You say she is looking forward to restrictions being over so that she can go out, go shopping, see people and all that amazing crazy stuff that we all of us remember so fondly. But although you've both been vaccinated, she's not complaining about still staying safe yet, is she? - so wait until she asks particular questions, and then give her truthful answers.
And perhaps one truth is that this is less to do with Covid and more to do with your fear of her falling? Get some training! And a lightweight, folding wheelchair that you can keep in your car.
They are taken to a drive through for a lunch treat or a frosty or some kind.
Not sure how much she understands but maybe some of that will help.
I would wait until the facility allows residents to go out and not have to be quarantined when they return. And do they or will they quarantine residents that have received their vaccine? (the vaccine is not 100% effective)
Ask the facility if they would allow you to take her out for a drive then return without getting mom out of the car.
If what she picks out doesn't fit, you can return it.
Mat each she just has fun going window shopping.
Let her know how much time you have like you can take her on an outing once a week.
If you aren't able to put her wheelchair in your car, then schedule for a wheelchair cab pick ya'll up.
What I'll bet is really going on is that she's bored. She's looking for something different to do, because like the rest of us, she's been locked down for a year. Everyone is stir-crazy.
Once she's able to be taken out (if she's able to do even that), a drive and a fast-food run may well be enough. Just you being able to come visit her in her place may be enough. Bring her a piece of pie, or in my mom's case, I would bring her a chile relleno and we'd eat Mexican food together out in the courtyard at her place. (Nursing homes don't serve Mexican food -- who knew? :-) )
Just try to find a way to mix things up for her to make some days a little different than the others. If she isn't physically able to "go shopping," find other things in her scope of ability that can be done.
When the time comes to go out again, if you want to take your mom shopping, maybe you can set a date once a month or something like that and plan an outing for a couple of hours, lunch & a bit of shopping. See how it goes, play it by ear, etc. If she's a fall risk or gets anxiety ridden, then cancel the next planned outing. Just have a bunch of 'stories' lined up in your repertoire about why you can't take her out and she'll likely be fine with whatever you tell her. Every day is a brand new day with those suffering from dementia, so it's quite easy to convince them of whatever we need to. You can even tell her you have a headache that day...........whatever works, right?
Best of luck; I know how dreadful this whole dementia thing truly IS!