How should I respond when my Mom ask the same questions over and over? She typically ask if her husband died, which he did 6 months ago. She asks over and over. Later she may ask who he was. Another day it may be where is my cat? She will ask every few minutes for hours. The cat is only in the yard which my mom knows. Should I answer every time she ask or ignore her? She gets really angry so I do not want to make it worse.
Mom does not "know" the cat is in the yard. She may have known but that information gets lost in a brain that no longer processes or retains information.
She does not "know" her husband died for the same reason.
She is getting angry for possibly 2 reasons.
She "knows" she should know the answer to the questions she is asking but is frustrated that she doesn't .
She is picking up on your frustration at being asked the same questions 10 to 15 times an hour.
So when you answer her question the second time rephrase the answer.
First time..
Mom: Where is the cat?
You: In the yard.
Second time...
Mom Where is the cat?
You: I don't know, I think I saw it in the yard, why don't we bring your chair over to the window so we can look for it.
Third time...
Mom: Where is the cat?
You: Mom, do you want a snack? Let's go get some yogurt.
You can find some way different to answer each time. One answer may not be processed but another might be.
My therapist explained it to me this way - it's like new information hits her forehead and falls to the floor, it never makes it into the part of the brain where memory happens. The old memories are there for now, but new stuff can't get in. That makes it easier for me to be a little more compassionate. But it's so sad. To answer the question, I agree with many who said to answer her, maybe change it up a little, and HUMOR. I really feel humor is a savior. While the situation isn't funny, I think a little humor sometimes is a Godsend. My Mom still has her sense of humor, so I do try to bring that out during our visits. It seems to work for both of us.
This is a hard disease to comprehend, at least sometimes it is for me. It's hard to understand how she doesn't know the obvious (today she asked me what date Halloween was or the other day she asked where I was going to have my garage sale, that we both had a laugh at)but when I think of the whole "new info hitting and falling to the floor", I kind of get it. Good luck to you in your journey.
Thanks!!
If you can afford at least a house cleaner only 1 x a month, it's better than none, keep up odds and ends during the day, take time with loved one to have fun, putting puzzles together, coloring, going over old pictures, going for ice cream (so what if it has cholesterol, they're old--let him/her enjoy life to the end).
So, when she asks you a question, answer her.
How many times as a little child did you ask all the Why questions, ect. Did she answer you or ignore you.
Treat her as you woukd want to be treated.
See All Answers