We took her car away last year when her doctor and others recommended it. Now my daughter and I take her wherever she needs to go. She had always said she wanted my daughter to have her car, so now my daughter drives it. She actually put her wishes in writing before she got sick. Mom forgets that she cant drive and thinks we stole the car from her. She gets very angry and upset with us. How do I deal with this?
My mother, with dementia and 93 yo, smoked for 78 years. She recently quit. It is not surprising that she often forgets she quit. The first day she visited me recently she asked where her smokes were. I told her the story about being on a patch while she was in the hospital and then coming home and deciding not to smoke. It was true, but she didn't believe me and spent an hour checking through her purse, her tote bag, her makeup bag, my insulin bag -- everywhere she thought cigs could be hiding. Then she dug money out for someone to go to the store for her. Sigh.
The next day she asked and I embellished the story a little. "After you came home from the hospital and were off the nicotine patch you tried to smoke and it made you sick. We all know how much you hate to feel gaggie, so that is why no one packed your smokes for this visit." "Oh," she said, "I think I kind of remember some of that, and you are right, I don't want to feel gaggie." She dropped the entire subject. The second story wasn't strictly true, but it was in her best interests.
Be creative. Remind her that she "loaned" the car to your daughter. Tell how grateful you and daughter are and what having this car to use has meant to you. Now you don't have a feeling of dread when you know she'll be driving because finally she has a reliable vehicle, etc.
OR when she claims to car has been stolen .. "Oh no! Oh did I forget to tell you that Daughter borrowed the car this weekend? Oh that is my fault. I am so sorry I forget to tell you. No wonder you are worried that it was stolen. Daughter will be bringing it back Sunday night."
Whatever it takes.