My mom forgets about conversations we had 5 minutes before. She repeats questions all the time. Calls continuously and is often crying. She is physically in great shape but now has trouble working computer, tv remote, phone which is further isolating her. She can’t drive anymore. I need help deciding if Independent Living could be good for her or if she needs AL even though she doesn’t need any physical help with dressing, grooming, toilet. She keeps her house clean and her yard kept up. She has been in her house for over 40+ years. Any suggestions?
The Medical Team's services are not cheap but I'm thinking they a lot cheaper than full Assisted Living and this way she can still feel independent and we can be confident she is being cared for (I live 2 hours away in the summer and 2 days drive away in the winter; brother is 40 min away). They told me as long as she is not combative to herself or others, they can care for her with these services and "Queuing" (reminding to take showers, etc.) for a long time, which sounds good to me. I have been in touch by phone with an RN there and she has been very helpful, and Mom likes her too, so that's great. Fingers crossed. This facility is called Lockwood. I thought they had facilities outside of Michigan but not finding them in a web search just now.
If you select AL the staff can be as hands on or off as much as you and or she desires.
If she needs help with medication the staff in IL will not be able to help her. In AL you/she may be charged a bit more since this is a "service" (this depends on how they charge for each service / ADL the staff has to help with)
The question is how quickly will she decline once removed from her home, her yard, her "space".
The transition to MC might come faster than you anticipate and if she is in AL the staff might recognize much faster any decline.
I would actually check out the MC part of the facility and see if that would also be an option. How active are the residents? do they go on outings? does the staff actively engage the residents or are they left to lounge watching TV? do they have the ability to get a snack on their own? If a resident is sitting in their room does the staff encourage them to join the group?
From your description, shes probably AL, but with Memory Care in near future. So if there is a place with both, it would be much easier down the road.
In AL she would need to be able to navigate to her room and back, know dining times and be able to chose her meal from a menu, and be able to read and understand the activities calendar and go to what she wants to do all independently. My moms place had a resident council that helped the new people figure it all out the first few days. She would need to operate her own TV in her room. I hired some sitters for part of the day who just told her they were there to help new people to get my mom to actvities I knew she would enjoy for the first couple of weeks.
AL staff will help with various ADL stuff, laundry, housekeeping and meds, but she needs to be with it enough to handle day to day life. It seems mainly for people who are cognitively ok, but their body is wearing out and people that are in early dementia stages.
Prior to her moving to Memory Care, most people were nice, understanding that one day she would say her husband was dead and the next not- but sometimes the dining room reminded me of high school again, there are still "mean girls " around.
Not all Memory Care facilities are full of drooling, advanced Alzheimer's patients. I looked at several facilities before placing my mother, and yes, some of them were like that because they have inadequate space to separate groups, but the one where she is now has an enormous common room where the low-functioning folks are kept on one side and the high-functioning ones are on the other side doing their own thing.
Find one that has lots of activities, because a good MC will keep your mom stimulated and busy. If she can dress and bathe herself, great -- they'll be fine with that. There are several people in my mom's place like that. The important thing is what they do for the residents, and mental stimulation is vital when your loved one has dementia. I don't think AL is good enough at that kind of thing because the onus is on the resident to go participate in activities while MC makes sure they participate or are at least near those who are participating.
Good luck!