I am both MPOA and DPOA for mom. 2 other sisters refusing to help, and I have a restraining order against one for physically abusing me. I have been living with boyfriend but needing to stay with mom a few nights a week. She walks with a walker and can toilet self and make something easy (like a sandwich). She cannot drive, schedule appointments, needs help showering, exercises, meals, and pills (and she bosses me around for all kinds of extra things). I have hired help 3 -4 days a week in mornings to help shower / exercises / lunch. I have been helping all other days / stay 4-5 nights with her for company. I do all grocery shopping, bills, banking, Dr apts, dentist apts etc. This is cutting into my work hours (and my relationship with boyfriend) - I am losing significant amount of money with not being able to go to work. Been doing this since last May 2024. I talked to mom, and she agreed to pay me as she is her other care worker $20/hr. She has Plenty of money! Can this be gifted as to not mess with taxes? My understanding is a gift in our state is up to $18,000 a year w/o tax. The number of hours I would charge would be for taking time off work to assist her (would be approx. 12K a year I'm guessing. This would probably not be a fair assessment as to how much care I provide. Also, I am losing more than 12K a year. Thanks.
You cannot ask a Forum of strangers for legal and financial advice with any certainty or safety, and you need to be in the know to operate within the legal rules of your own state.
You can be paid by a COMPETENT person, but if you are POA for an INCOMPETENT person you cannot pay yourself. That would be self enrichment under the law, a no-no for a POA.
If the person is competent you can attend an elder law attorney and you can discuss options. Your principal can pay you as a caregiver for "shared living expenses" without it being taxable, but payment for care is income, usually, and is taxable.
The law is very strict on very good record keeping of every penny into and out of the account of the Principal. The POA is responsible to keep these records when the Principal is incompetent and the power of attorney is acting on all executive functions.
It's crucial that you understand the legal rules for acting as POA for your Principal. See an attorney for an hour of advice. This is, as I said, payable with funds of the Principal as the POA is given the rights to seek "expert advice".
Do you want to be spending this much time apart from your boyfriend? Is it endangering your relationship? If the relationship ends because of the time apart, is that okay with you? Not saying what the right or wrong answer is, just saying consider it carefully. Would the fault be yours, for prioritizing your mother over your boyfriend, or would it be his, for not understanding that you value your time with your mother to this degree, or would it just be one of those incompatibilities in life and it's okay to end the relationship because of it?
Are you happy or at least content with the impact this is having on your career, financial considerations aside? Is this going to impact your retention and advancement in your job, to a point where you're going to regret it down the line? Or is the job one you don't really care about and you'd rather be putting in the time with your mom anyhow and if you lose the job or diminish your career path, it's okay with you? Again, no right or wrong answer, just be honest with yourself about the consequences.
Since your mom has money, does it make more sense TO YOU IN YOUR LIFE TRAJECTORY to give up the time with your boyfriend and your employer in exchange for the time with and money from her, or does it make more sense for her to use the money to either hire additional in-home help or to move into a facility where people are paid to take care of these things?
Just because you are your moms MPOA and DPOA does NOT mean that you have to be the one doing the hands on care. What it does mean is that you have to make the best decisions for not only your mom and her finances but for yourself as well, and I don't believe you not working is in your best interest at all, especially since you're wanting to have your mom pay you under the table and not have to claim it on your taxes. That could get you and your mom in big trouble down the road if her income gets more limited and she needs to apply for Medicaid, and you can't produce records as to where all her money went.
As moms POA you MUST keep meticulous records as to where exactly her money is going, and what you're wanting to do sounds very fishy and not on the up and up.
So if you really want to give up your life, your boyfriend and your real job then I would have a lawyer draw up a legal contract enabling your mom to pay you for hours worked to help her and where you can file taxes on your income and contribute into your social security savings.
Then there are some states that prohibit POA from receiving payment from the person they are POA for. You really need to check with your state regulations.
Your mother should consult with an eldercare attorney that specializes in caregiving contracts, laws regarding caregiving provided by a POA and Medicaid applications regulations.
Have you explored HFMLA with your company?
Good luck.