She won’t change her clothes or bathe or wash her hair. She won’t let me help her. She is also a hoarder and won’t let me clean her house. She calls me a nag and tells me to go home or she will call the police. She lives by herself and has her mind. She is very sharp. She walks and just started to use a cane. How do I get her to bathe and wash her hair? It hasn’t been done since I helped her do it in May. I need help with her!!!
In fact, when APS visits I would not be there. When they call you, IF they call you, you need to tell them you can do nothing and will not be going there, and that they must get her guardianship if they feel she is a danger to herself or to others (fires spread when they happen to nearby homes.
In fact, if you know neighbors, you might tell them you have tried and can do nothing, and THEY should report to APS if they worry re fire.
The truth is that you are helpless in this. I think no amount of "help with her" will change anything. Guardianship would require overcoming that she is mentally intact if not mentally well. Know also that you are not in a position at this time to mentally assess her. She is 95. I would imagine any kind of questioning to assess for Alzheimer's is angrily case aside. She may need EMS to take her to hospital for evaluation. If THIS happens it is honestly the best that CAN happen, as this can be tossed to the Social Workers for some placement and care, and the city may clear the home; often these places are so filled with molds and etc they need to be demolished.
Sorry for what you are going through.
You could also call your local Council on Aging and see if there is anything you can legally do to help her. Otherwise, I'd just carry on doing what you're doing to support her physically and give up on the icky things that you know aren't healthy (hoarding, unclean body).