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I have known my neighbor and friend for 10 years. His mental being is not there. Back on January 7th I had to go into his house using my house key for emergencies to find him naked on the living room floor. He was not able to speak words, I called 911. As time went by, he was able to talk, but had no clue what was going on. He couldn’t stand up. We learned that he had double pneumonia and dehydrated and was not able to stand or walk. They sent him to a skilled nursing after the hospital. The skilled nursing said he can go to an independent living or assisted living facility. I call him once a week and each time he tells me the same stories, that he has a new girlfriend… I said Jack, I know her, she has come to my house, we talk on the phone all the time. He said he forgets. He also has told me that he NEVER has COVID. I said yes! You have. I had to call 911 for him one many occasions, besides the Covid.
This last time he got so sick he was more into traveling to see his girlfriend who lives 80 miles each way. He forgot to take his meds ( his is on blood thinners) he forgets to go to his doctors appointments and his INR tests. he FORGETS his pets. He has two dogs and a cat and he is gone 12-14 hours at a time.
how can they doctor at the skilled nursing say that he is OK to go to independent living or assisted living. He cannot afford a place like that. So do they allow him to go home?? they are releasing him in a day or two.
any thoughts??? TIA

How is it you became aware that your neighbor/friend needed you to check on him, when you found him on the floor?

You say you have had to call 911 for this man many times; you also said his family is looking for "advice" from you.

Are you sure it's ***just*** advice they are seeking? Because I really think they might be doing the passive-aggressive thing with you; that is, to call you and say how concerned they are about their dad, knowing full well that you will go and check on him out of your friendship and the kindness of your heart. And then make the necessary calls when you find him in a crisis situation, thereby relieving them of the responsibility.

Be very careful here. It is very, very easy to get "sucked in" to a situation such as this, whereby his family calls you more and more to help your neighbor, and you are pulled further and further into this problem.

It is on his family to ensure his safety, not yours. It is extremely kindhearted of you to want to help here, but make sure you're NOT being taken advantage of in the name of this friendship. The last thing you need is for his family to volunteer you to be his primary caregiver. Especially as you are aware that this man needs full time, 24/7 care.
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Reply to notgoodenough
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Blackmonlori,
You say that the family is asking for your assistance in this.
This is not what you are qualified or trained to do.
You need to refer them to someone who IS qualified and DOES have the power to intercede here, which would be APS.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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If the family has Durable Power of Attorney they have been given financial responsibility by him. They can use his money for his care. They can sell his home for his care. You don't need Medical to place a person. Family can transfer him from Rehab to a NH and apply for Medicaid if he can't afford an Assisted Living or Memory care.

You need to tell the Rehab that its an unsafe discharge to send him home. They can evaluate him for Dementia. If you know how to contact a family member, give the facility that persons #. If they try to release him, do not pick him up. As soon as you walk thru the door, you will have responsibility of him. If family will not step up, call APS.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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You need to call APS!
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Reply to mstrbill
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The family member, who either is or is not your neighbor's PoA, needs to figure this out and not assume you into a situation that makes you responsible and/or liable. As a CNA you are a mandated reporter, right? You must report the situation to APS and continue to do only that. Or, you call 911 and then tell the discharge staff that he is definitely an unsafe discharge and give them the name of the PoA. Then do not insert yourself any further. Your are not his or his family's solution. The more you insert yourself, the longer it takes for a permanent solution to happen.

I don't think the PoA knows what they are doing. If so, that's not your problem. I'm sorry that your neighbor/friend has to go through this but you have no power but may be liable the more you intervene.
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Reply to Geaton777
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POA is generally for both Medical and Financial decisions. Some people have 1 person as POA for both some people elect to have different people for each aspect.
So he does have someone that will make decisions for him.
YOU on the other hand do not have the right to ask about his health, about his diagnosis. You can contribute what you know to his designated POA or to the medical team where he is currently they however can not confirm or comment on his status.
If he does not have the funds to transition to an Assisted Living facility or to a facility for Independent Living the POA will figure that out and that is their responsibility. Returning home may be an option if there are caregivers in place. How that is funded is of no concern of yours.
I urge you not to get into the position of being a caregiver unless you have a contract and you are paid. Leave well enough alone. If he does return home and you do not think he is safe then you make a call to APS or to your States Elder Abuse Hotline number. Let them decide if he is safe or not.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Blackmonlori819 Jan 28, 2025
I just wanted you to know that the family is asking for my help in this matter. They are beyond frustrated with this situation. I am a CNA and I am a POA for my 97 year old mother in law. I just can’t believe that the skilled nursing facility is not helping them. They don’t want their dad in danger living alone 2 hours away. That’s why I was looking for answers.
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Blackmonlori, there are only 2 kinds of POA's, one being for medical decisions and one for financial, so if your neighbors family are his POA, I can only guess that they are at least one of those if not both, and they are the ones that need to be stepping up to get him the help he needs.
It definitely sounds like he needs to be living in at least an assisted living facility, and the social worker at the hospital can be helping his family look for options.
And if he doesn't have the money they can help him apply for Medicaid before moving in and he can be "Medicaid pending."
If your neighbors family is not stepping up and doing their POA duties then APS needs to step in and take over his care and he will become a ward of the state.
But someone needs to step up and let the hospital know that he cannot return home.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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POA is for medical and financial decisions so if the family has that in place they can move forward in figuring out next steps. I hope you’ve shared with them the behaviors and confusion you’ve witnessed in your neighbor. There hopefully has been a thorough medical evaluation including for cognition during this hospitalization, if not, the family should request it
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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