My mother had been living alone in a senior only apartments had part time care from an assigned worker to clean, cook and manage her medicine and small errands. My sister and I had a falling out about 5 years ago and we never patched things up soon after I moved out of state due to my husband's job. She managed to turn our youngest sister against me as well, but Im not surprised she is a good manipulator who studied psychology. About a year ago my sisters started blocking me from my mothers cell phone. My mom is not tech savvy so when my college son would go visit mom he would unblock my number. Soon as they find out I was talking to mom they would block me again. Recently mom had a fall and at the hospital the doctor diagnosed her with early dementia that helped my sister get POA. Now I'm heart broken that I'm not able to call the rehabilitation center to talk to my mother knor will give me information about her health . I recently found out my mom tested positive from covid, but that she received the vaccine 3 days prior. A male nurse told me this and the next day tried to speak to the the charge nurse and that's when the director informed me of the POA and that my sister had specifically asked that I was not to have access or given any type of information regarding my mother. I was able to get my youngest sisters number tried making peace and clearing up stuff that was said in the past, that weren't true, but she didn't even try to listen to the truth! I even apologized even though it's been all lies made up by my other sister. She pretty much said, that if my mother passes I they will tell me so that I don't attend her funeral! I would have gone to see my mom as soon as she had her fall, but with the covid-19 restrictions no one is allowed in hospitals or facilities. I visited my mom every 3-4 months and always kept contact with her. This situation is braking my heart 💔😭My sister is using my mom to be spiteful. Please help. Thank you.
The only way I could imagine solving the tangle among you is for the THREE of you to get together and each of you explain your interest in seeing and talking to your mom before it’s too late for her to see and talk to ANY of you.
From your corner, I’d go back to the Wisdom of Solomon- “I love our mom and would like to be able to talk to her and visit with her, but if you don’t trust me, I’d still be willing to talk to her and visit her with one or both of you there with her. I miss her terribly, and whatever works for you to let me accomplish that goal, is FINE WITH ME. If you can find it in your heart(s) to do that, I’ll never stop being grateful, and I’ll never forget your kindness”.
And they may say yes, and they may say no, but THEY are in control, and that’s where the yelling among the three of you needs to stop.
Whether your sister is using your mom to be spiteful, or whatever else, you have no cards left to play.
I can't quite understand your saying that your Mom was diagnosed with dementia and that allowed your sister to get POA. POA can ONLY be conferred by the person who is COMPETENT. Guardianship must be done on someone who is not competent.
Unfortunately, your Sister is now the Lioness at the Gate, whatever the reason. I would continue to throw myself upon her and your other sister's mercy. I would make VERY CERTAIN not to accuse or act in other ways adversarial. I would apologize for whatever slights or misunderstandings of the past, I would plead that any visits by me to my Mom would not include argument, accusations, pleadings, or anything but love and loving visits, and would offer to make those visits (when able) only with a Sister present. That's the way I would proceed. If you still then cannot visit your Mother, I guess you are stuck with lovely cards expressing ONLY your love sent to her, with flowers, other small gifts, and know you did you very best. Be at peace.
When I see only one side of a family story I always long to see the other side. As is, with your side only, one cannot help but judge TWO sisters as cruel and evil people. That is seldom the whole truth. Whatever the truth is, your only chance it seems to me, is to plead your case with love and gentleness. If it doesn't work I can't imagine what might. I would persevere until your Mom's passing. For someone to tell you that you would not be notified of same is indeed cruel beyond my wildest imaginings, but I guess wonders never cease. I wish you the best of luck for coming to some kind of peace in this. There is nothing quite so sad for an elder is to leave children who cannot have any relationship with one another. Good luck.
As to funerals, you are free to celebrate your memories of love from your Mom and with and for your Mom in your own way. She will not know about any of that in any case. You must bring yourself what peace you can. So sorry for all you are going through.