So, I've been staying with my mom taking care of her this week. She has advanced liver disease, likely caused by malignancy. Took her to the hospital on Tuesday due to severe pain, but they treated her in the ER and refused to admit her. Why, I don't know. The net couple of days were hell, with her being incontinent and needing constant care. Friday we took her back to the hospital, after her doctor saw her and said she desperately needed hospitalization. I was with her all day, and my sister and BIL came to pick me me up at 8:00pm. and on the way home sister told me that her cardiologist, oncologist, and gastroenterologist had a conference call that day and decided they would no longer treat her and that she was going to be discharged to hospice. I was in shock and devastated. When I got back to mom's house, mom's sister called and was hysterical. Spent the next day with my mom in the hospital with mom, and called my mom's cardiologist (who happens to be my nephew) and he said he never said that. He explained what he had said, and I confronted my sister and she insists he had said it. Here is my problem: my sister has no knowledge base for anything medical. She had no idea she was telling us mom was going to die, she doesn't know what hospice is. She is power of attorney, and never lists me as an emergency contact because I don't drive and she thinks an emergency contact is someone who is like an uber driver. She is dangerous with regard to how she interprets and conveys information due to a lack of understanding and when I try to explain to her the damage she has done she gets very defensive and angry and refuses to listen. On the phone she just dismisses me and hangs up, and when she showed up at the hospital yesterday, I tried talking to her and it just turned into a very nasty fight. I felt so bad for my mom (who is deaf but still knew what was going on), and I left the hospital, vowing not to come back. Just cannot deal with sister's lack of knowledge and poor communication skills, or her rudeness. Now mom is suffering, because I'm the only one she wants to care for her. I am back in my own home now in a different state, and don't know what to do. Feel so bad for mom. Advice?
In all of this you don't tell us what the outcome is. Is Mom now in Hospice? Is it recognized by all that this is end stage stage four cancer spread to the liver? Will she have inpatient hospice? Because the care is going to become extremely heavy right now. What are your plans for rendering care for your Mom? Are you speaking to your family about placement for in-house hospice or for SNF with hospice care? And are you able to discuss all of this with your Mom. What is her understanding of where she is with this illness?
I hope you sisters will be able to pull together. It sounds as though there is not a whole lot of time in which you need to be a united front, but it is time to be one now for certain.
In the meantime, abandoning your mom because you're mad at your sister isn't cool. I don't think you can fairly blame your sister for what she's doing to your mom when you've essentially done the same thing to her.