I have read numerous posts and they are very helpful but mine is a little different but same. My husband 81 had electro convulsive therapy that his psychiatrist thought would help his stubborn depression. It only made it worse. He's now no longer the man I married who is a retired dentist. He behaves like a child now. I do everything for him. He has long term memory loss and can't remember recent events. If I raise my voice at him for something I feel he is capable of doing himself he starts crying. He has painful IBS that doctors can't control that sent him to the ER numerous times. The hospital psychiatrist said he has dementia. I've canceled numerous doctors appointments for us both because of his problems. This has been going on for 2 years now. I contacted someone to discuss getting him veterans benefits but I need to find time for that. And I don't know what to do to find someone to come to the house or some place to put him temporarily without upsetting him. I told him I wanted to visit my kids, he has none, and he starts crying and doesn't want me to leave him. Does anyone have any suggestions or do they have a similar situation? I've also been told I should start looking for a facility for him in the near future but what kind? I'm exhausted and depressed. It's just getting too much to handle.
I hope you get this sort of help, which has been invaluable to us.
Another option to consider: the next time you take him to the ER, talk with a social worker at the hospital (while he's still in the ER) and tell the social worker that he's an unsafe discharge because at this point you simply cannot take care of him. And you wouldn't be lying. The social worker should be able to arrange short term facility/hospital care for your husband paid by Medicare without him being discharged to go home with you. Do not agree to take him home in this situation. Hopefully another poster on this forum can provide more info about how exactly to do this.
Do you have your husband's military discharge papers or know his service number? Has he been getting his medical care through the VA? If the answer is yes to any of the above make contacting your local VA a top priority.
My heart breaks for you. Try to stay strong and get through this painful phase of things. Obviously you love your husband very much and want the best for him, but please don't sacrifice yourself in this process.
Also consider going to your primary care physician and requesting anti-depression and/or anxiety medication to help lighten your intense suffering.
Wishing you well.
Yes I have his discharge paperwork. Someone I contacted months ago went over how to get VA monthly help cover costs of a facility for him. It's complicated because I have to reduce our assets quite a bit and I can't live on my social security alone since the VA keeps his. So will get started on that. Thanks.
There's no need to continue trying to carry the burden alone. I was just looking at the Disabled American Veterans website, a phone call there might get you further. It says:
"Disabling injuries don’t always show up right after service —they can affect veterans at any stage of life. So when it comes to applying for and receiving benefits, it’s good to know that DAV’s support isn’t limited by when or where you served, or by the type of injury you suffered.
Our Benefits Advocates Are Ready to Help.
Free, professional assistance from our benefits advocates can help veterans and their families receive the benefits they’ve earned —health care, disability, employment, education, financial benefits and more.
Our benefits advocates are veterans, too, so they understand military service and the benefits process. "
Make the call, get someone to shoulder your load with you.
Best wishes for the care and support you both deserve.