Hello, my husband and I help care for his mother every weekend to help relieve his sister who cares for her during the week. We have had an ongoing issue of her constantly going back and forth to use the restroom. The only problem is, is that we are not sure that every time she steps into the restroom that she is actually using it, however the toilet is being flushed every time. Over the 2 or so days that she stays with us each week, she goes through about 7 or 8 rolls of toilet paper alone. We have already had issues with our toilet before and spent a lot of money on a plumber a couple months back. I know that this could be a forgetfulness issue or maybe out of habit of anxiousness. The other thing we have noticed, is that if we are out and about she hardly ever asks to use the restroom. But the problem persists when we are home. I would really appreciate some advice on helping us with this issue if you have experienced it before or similar. Thank you
Sincere hopes that things are progressing in a better direction.
#1 Unknowingly over using of tp.
#2 Fear of using a public restroom (this WAS my mother).
#3 Not really "going."
#4 Loose bowels.
It took me a while to realize this behavior was only happening after day care. Mom likes day care these days and doesn't seem anxious when she returns, she has a bathroom visit before elevating her legs in the lift chair but after 30-45 minutes would start the bathroom break marathon. Sometimes she has even wanted to go back to the bathroom before she can return to her chair! I eventually decided she is becoming a little dehydrated at day care. At home, I keep a cup of coffee or a glass of water or lemonade by her side all the time. At day care, they only offer a drink during lunch or at break time. Mom doesn't like the juice cups the day care offers at breaks so at my request they now offer Mom water. I now make sure to serve (not offer as I did previously) coffee or lemonade (her favorites) with a snack when she returns home. She consumes her snack and often takes a nap.
I am astonished about how small things can have such a big impact on our elders with cognitive issues. There must be something causing your MIL's anxiety but she probably will never be able to tell you.
You may be able to moderate the frequency of bathroom breaks by using an old fashioned sand timer. When I'm cooking or working on the computer and need some less interrupted time, I set a sand timer somewhere Mom can easily see it and turn it whenever I finish helping her "Is there anything you need? No? Then I'm turning the timer because I need a few minutes to respond to an email. If it's not something you need right now, please let the timer run out before you call for me." My mother has cognitive problems and almost no short term memory, but her dementia symptoms are not constant so this may not help with your MIL.
Your response about a "thought loop" was interesting. Could you elaborate on it please, I never heard it before. RE: My mom makes numerous trips back & forth between room & bathroom (to get her clothes) prior to actually taking a bath, according to caregiver.
Thank you for your time.
It is wonderful that you and hubby help your SIL by taking her in on weekends. So many siblings don't step up (or stick their nose in, making trouble WITHOUT helping at all!)
I did like the suggestion Yogamermaid had regarding disabling the toilet (shutting the water off might be easier, but accomplish the same thing.) It might just be that she is in an "unfamiliar" place - even though she is at your home every weekend, it is still an interruption in her "routine" and familiar surroundings. It is one reason we recommend moving to MC and skipping AL, depending on the level of decline, as every move can impact the person negatively.
If she is not in the habit of doing this at SIL's, it likely is the issue OR it could be related to a UTI. I was skeptical of this until we had to deal with it! First time it resulted in severe sun-downing, the second time it was night-time bed wetting. Resolving the UTI stopped both issues. I would request a culture test - the dip test might not catch the issue and the culture test can provide better choice of treatment.
While turning off the water/flusher allows you to monitor better, she could still put too much TP in there every time, which could lead to issues. Is this a spare bathroom? If so, leave only a little TP available, not a roll. Perhaps you could lock the door after she goes in the morning, and take her at appropriate intervals to go - she may get antsy if the door is locked, but you can tell her someone is in there, it is being fixed, or something. Doesn't help much with nighttime though.
My DH used to laugh at me - 30 years older and I had to go more often than him. The flipside is I could sleep straight through 10 hours without having to get up at night and he had to go every 2 hours.
Life is definitely a challenge sometimes.
If so how does she deal with it?
If it does not happen it could be anxiety.
When a person with dementia is taken out of their close environment can be very distressing.
You could also go into the bathroom with her.
Place a roll of toilet paper that has a small amount of paper on the holder and you can hand her more if it is necessary. More supervision is often necessary with dementia and this is just another phase/decline. How does she do in the shower? More supervision may be needed there as well.
If it's unusual for her, and especially if it's recent, it would be worth somebody's checking that all is well "down there."
It may also be that the change of venue makes your MIL anxious about her continence.
Do you accompany her to the bathroom? If you can do so diplomatically (as close to "don't worry about me, pretend I'm not here" as you can get), that would be an opportunity to prompt her through a normal routine. Of course you won't want to intrude on her privacy, but reassuring her may help.