My dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's & Dementia several years ago. Since then my elder sister has been caring for him and allegedly has gained POA. She has yet to provide such documentation and us siblings question whether she is capable of tending to his needs, or if in fact has official POA? I understand that she has sacrificed a lot over the years, but it was always in my Dad's best interest (and late Mother's) that if any sibling needed "help" that the house would always remain open. Since then she has taken "control" of the household, denied visitation access to other siblings when things were not convenient for her and as turned away Siblings in need. We suspect abuse (unintentinal of course) and neglect for our dad and feel she has no right denying us access to the house, nor feel that she is qualified to provide the care my dad needs during his last years. Recently Hospice care has provided services for my dad, but arguments have escalated between siblings as she continues to manipulate and control household access and visitation. We feel that she is going against my late mother's wishes and my dad (who can't fend for himself), but ultimately all we want is to have a peaceful environment visitations and enjoy my dad's final years. We collectively want to intervene and have my Elder sister's (alleged) POA reversed. Very delicate situation!!!
I would suggest contacting a Home Health Care Provider for an evaluation of your Father. They can provide a social worker who will mediate a meeting between the siblings. Your Father's doctor should have contact information or even Hospice could provide these services.
You have witnessed your sister being aggressive with your father. Apparently you have not been kept from visiting then, right? You've been there and seen that. What did you do about it? Did you offer suggestions? You know what Hospice Care has said, so, again, that doesn't sound like you are prohibited from visiting. How has Sis reacted to what Hospice said? Is she now being more careful? You've said twice that you don't think she is intentionally hurting him. Do you think she is incapable of learning how to it better?
Dad has had dementia for three years. You don't think Sis is qualified to care for someone with dementia. Why is that just coming up now?
Let us say that you take legal steps to be in charge of Dad's care. You have a court appoint you as guardian. What would you do? Who would do the day-to-day caregiving? How would life for Dad improve?
You think you have a right to know what is in the will, is that correct? (I don't know about the "rights" in this matter. I don't think anyone has a legal right to see a will, but I'm sure not a lawyer.) But let's say you do get to see it, and, as you suspect, Sis gets what you consider an unfair inheritance. What will you do? Father is no longer competent to change it. Does it really matter if you start fighting over it before or after he dies? If you decide to contest it, that can come after the will is read, can't it?
It seems to me that in order to have "peaceful" visitations with your father, it might be most effective to work with Sis, trying to accomodate her schedule requirements (even if they don't seem fair to you), continuing to offer to help, stating your appreciation of what she has done for Dad, and trying to rebuild a more harmonious relationship, without any reference to the estate. Fight about the estate later, if you need to. Now, focus on getting peaceful access to visit your dying father.
One sister has been doing all the caregiving for "several years." Is that correct? And you think that in addition to caring for a person with dementia and who is now apparently dying (hence, hospice) that she should also be running an open house for anyone who wants to drop by at any time, and should be playing hostess to any sibling "in need" of living in the house -- is that correct?
You've been content to let her make the scrifices and shoulder the complete burden for several years, and now suddenly you suspect her of abuse and neglect? Where did that come from? Do you have some evidence? An outside agency is now involved. Do you think that they might notice if Dad is being abused and neglected?
How often have any of you offered to spend a weekend with Dad so that POA Sis could get away? How many vacations have you provided for her? How much respite care has been provided courtesy of her siblings? How many appointments have any of you taken Dad to? Or is POA Sis just supposed to be available to help sibblings in need, and never get any help herself?
Forgive me if this does not apply in your situation, but I am heartily sick of stories where a parent has been cared for single-handedly by only one sibling, and then toward the end the others rush in full of criticism and trying to take over.