My RN Daughter supposedly looks after mother who lives alone in single residence home 20 miles from daughter. Daughter has MS and us narcissistic and influences my mother to be against me and keep secrets from me. If I call for a wellness check my mother would be mad and I don't want to upset her high blood pressure. Mother is a schizophrenic and had electric shock treatment she doesn't think normally. I live in AZ and they are in NC. I'm elderly. I've been told not to come to NC again. My letters and cards are screened and discarded by daughter. My son who lives with me is affected by this and has lost touch with his beloved grandmother. I will not even know if mother has passed and I can see that her property has been clear cut of trees (devalued). Where do I turn for legal help and can I make a complaint against daughters RN license. I have no way of knowing if my mother is alive & well & safe. Up until a year ago we talked and wrote regularly. Daughter cut off and changed all phone numbers and got a PO Box for Mother that daughter checks. I was to be mother's executor and POA, but will has been changed now I know nothing. I question the validity of the will change and mother's ability to make decisions but all that is a legal battle after she passes. What can I do while mother is still alive if she's so much under the influence of my daughter that she allowed this to happen?
My question is what argument transpired between you and your daughter that caused her to cut off communication with you? We're only getting one side of the story.
Why do you want your daughter to lose her nursing license? Your daughter drives forty miles to get to your mother. How is this abusing the elderly?
Why were you told that you can't visit? Is there a court order in effect?
I am 75 and do not consider myself elderly yet. Call APS to evaluate.
You do realize that cutting down of trees is often a necessary part of home maintenance, not to mention very expensive, and may not devalue the property at all? How do you know all the why's behind this decision? For all you know, the trees could've been diseased!
Only you can try to fix this feud you have going on with your daughter. Why your mother changed her will is HER business. If you feel something inappropriate is going on, call APS or the local police for a wellness check. I'm not sure how you know all the details about what's going on in NC when you're in AZ, but your prime concern seems to be about "wills" and "inheritances" you won't be getting.
You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Trying to make amends with your estranged daughter is my advice.
Schizophrenia is not a condition that normally requires the supervision of others if the person is on a good medication plan and adheres to it, so I am afraid we must consider your mother to be well enough to make her own decisions in regards as to the person she lives with. Currently that seems to be her granddaughter, your own daughter.
This seems a tragedy of family dynamics at play. There's really very little that can be done about that by a Forum of strangers.
You have said that your daughter is "Narcissistic." If I had a dime for every time a Forum writer diagnoses a family member as a narcissist I would be doing quite well. Yet in our society there are apparently fewer than 5% of us who qualify for the diagnosis.
My only recommendation is that you throw yourself upon their mercy. Continue to send sweet and supportive notes to your mom. Write your daughter and ask her if there is any way you can help her in supporting her grandmother in trying times, and given you are so far away. Let her know you are concerned for them both.
I wouldn't be threatening anyone's license to practice Registered Nursing; you could be looking at legal problems if you do such a thing.
As to any legal recourse you may have, I am not certain, but an Elder Law Attorney could let you know. I wouldn't over-worry the thing with your son and his grandmother. Grandsons seem to get on well without grandmothers overall, and if his grandmother IS indeed schizophrenic, he may be well out of this.
I wish you well, but it is difficult to come to any conclusions when one hears only one side of things. Family dynamics can be tough stuff. I would just get on with your own life and not marinate in all this trauma and drama if I were you. Just relieve yourself of what you cannot do anything about. Practice the serenity prayer. I hope things will be better in future if you maintain a loving and infrequent contact reaching out to both women.
Sorry you are going through this but I wouldn't be surprised if your daughter is totally burned out from caring for your mother, especially if she has her own family and/or working full time as a nurse. Please note that 40% of family caregivers die leaving behind the love one they were caring. What if that should happen to your daughter, who would be caring for your mother.
Maybe it is time for your mother to be living in a senior facility. Is that the source of any conflict? That would give your daughter a much needed break. My gosh, driving 40 miles round trip to check on your mother is exhausting and time consuming in itself. Are you against having your Mom live in a facility?
You mentioned you are elderly. Curious what are your health issues, if any? Daughter could be scared that you may need her help next, and she just can't do any more caregiving.