My husband cannot communicate, no speech, no head nodding yes or no. Relatives of his insist upon visitng so they can hug him, talk to him. He does not hug. He sits for a few minutes and then hes gone....to sleep, to watch tv. These are people whom he really never cared for when he had all his senses. He would tell me he really wanted nothing to do with them, never liked them, and would prefer no association with them. I do not care for them either. I do not want them in the house. I tell these people he would not know them anyway. What is a polite/nice way to tell them NO WAY, not gonna happen????
Your friendship meant so much to Mother when she could remember people. I would prefer that you remember her as she was. It is difficult for her to struggle to remember and to feel sad that she cannot. Please feel free to write a card that we can share together if you wish. ( Personally I think a lot of people are afraid this may happen to them, and they are curiousity seekers. ) For me, I wanted to know if she still remembered me, as we were very close, and to say "see you later", and have closure. I waited until her funeral, and was sure to attend then and comfort her family, and donate to the Alzheimer's association. That could even be done at this point in time if people really wish to be helpful.
Jeanne's answer is a very good one and I would certainly try that. However, don't be surprised if it takes a little more emphasis. Some people just do not / cannot hear the true message when politeness is being used. Maybe giving them another *something* they can DO, instead of visit, such as asking them to please send him nice cards to enjoy? It sounds as if there were no real feelings between your husband and these family members before, and it is natural to wonder why NOW they seem to be making their presence known. Are you concerned that they may be "after something"? It has been my experience that if you want to find out who your REAL family and friends are.....asking them to HELP DO things usually separates them out pretty quickly. I don't know how much, if any, outside help you get with the caretaking of your husband, but if these are family members that *really* care, you may be able to use the help. If not, and they just want to continue "visiting", but are not interested in being of any real help to you.......don't hesitate to send them along on their merry way.....even if you have to be a little UNpolite about it. Folks that have not had the experience of full time caretaking simply do not understand that caregivers simply do not have the luxury of wasting time on things that are not directly helpful to their patient or themselves. Don't mean to sound unfeeling....I've just been there.