Scams my parents fell for - now what?

I wish I had a good answer for you. You are not alone. I have intense conversations with my Father-In-Law at least once a month, sometimes more often, about scams. He will sit for HOURS crossing out his name and address on anything in the house, and even go so far as to cross out UPC codes on garden variety Tylenol bottles that have no way to be traced to him. But the instant he thinks he *might* get some free money or something that will miraculously make him young and healthy again, look out.
Unfortunately, all you can really do try to keep an eye on things and talk to them. My FIL is still "competent" (That part is somewhat debateable to us, but his doctor doesn't seem to think he is anything but stubborn and self centered and just doesn't want to do what he should) So we don't have any control of his finances or his decisions. I do sit down with him or call him any time my sister in law ( lives with him) discovers another call he's in the middle of where they need his personal information. Thankfully we've been very lucky up to this point and she or her husband have interrupted him in the process - because he can't hear and he can barely type on a phone or see what he is doing, he often has to ask for help. As soon as one of them gets on the phone, the caller usually hangs up.
We've talked over and over about how there are no magic pills, no free money just especially for him ( at first he was of the belief that other people were being scammed but at HE was important enough for it to actually be real...sigh)
We've gone through how diligent he is about garbage diving scammers and explained to him that he is much more likely to get scammed on the phone or internet than someone going though his garbage for his name and address. We've explained to him that just about anyone willing to spend less than a dollar can get all of that information without leaving their home. We begged him to stop answering his phone if he doesn't know who it is. We THOUGHT we had finally gotten through to him only to learn that his newest obsession is answering and telling them they are scammers and having long conversations with them. Sigh...I explained....again, that some scammers just need to record his voice saying certain words and they have what they need to do other things. He thinks he is one-upping them.

So my final approach - because he is a serious narcissist and his major issue is thinking he is better and smarter than anyone and that no one can get the best of him - has been to tell him this. "We have talked about all of the ways that scammers can get you, and yet you still continue to answer the phone and engage with them, sometimes to tell them you know they are scammers, and other times to try get whatever it is they are promising you. You have been exceptionallly lucky that you haven't truly been scammed yet, but you have to understand that when you are, and frankly it is when because you refuse to practice safe behavior, you have to understand this...we can't fix it for you. We have been able to help you with issues you've had in the past with reputable companies that you misunderstood, but we cannot negotiate with invisible scammers who take everything. And when that happens, and we can't get your money back, you are going to feel really silly that you didn't listen to us"
I don't know how much good it does. He still answers the phone, he still does stuff that makes my hair stand on end. But at the end of the day, he's still compentent and gets to make really bad choices if he wants to. We can only advise him ( and he is ALWAYS going to know better than we do) and hope for the best.
Unfortunately scammers tend to prey on the elderly and if they engage, their number or email address is sold to hundreds of others just waiting in line to strike.

I had to take away my mothers debit card and I manage all her finances. I have POA. She had credit cards, but because of her spending patterns and inability to pay or remember to pay her bills, the CC companies cut her off long before I stepped in. Prior to my mothers rapid decline, I was considering what to do to allow her some financial freedom. Like a prepaid debit card or putting limits on the credit card spending, which was possible through her bank. But that was not realistic. My mother has spent a ton of money on the tv shopping networks all her life And hid her purchases. She wanted to continue that trend once placed in an AL. She has gotten to the point In her dementia where she really cannot manage a phone or computer. I took the computer away. She has a basic phone and on a good day can manage the finding the contacts and calling. She will call me sometimes with a request for me to buy her the latest gadget or beauty cream she sees on tv and she usually forgets she asked for it. Prior to my stepping in, she made many serious financial mistakes that will impact her future care.

I called the bank and had them reissue me a new debit card and I was able to change the PIN. Even though I had removed the original card from her wallet. I never use it for anything. I thought I might need it to take out cash for her to spend once in awhile but that is not the case.

It sounds like you are helping them with their finances somehow already. You need to have a serious conversation with them. Their CCs will be canceled if they are not able to pay and their finances are already in jeopardy if they are spending more than they make. Don’t worry about hurting their feelings. It is not an easy. Good luck!

Could you talk your parents into getting a Debit Card to replace the Credit Cards? Tell them it’s much safer. We use a debit card with a limit of $500 for non-standard online payments (eg Ebay). If it gets hacked in any way, $500 is the most they can get. It genuinely is much safer. You could then agree an annual budget with your parents, so much a month if required to top up the debit card. Of course if any money comes back under the ‘guarantees’, it will automatically top up the debit card.

If your parents don’t understand how much they are wasting, they ought to be OK about a monthly/ annual budget and a top up limit, as they don’t think it will be necessary to top it up. Then destroy the credit cards -or keep them yourself if they have normal bill debits which would be a trial to alter (and check for those repeating magazine subscriptions etc). Your parents' anger will come later, when the limit kicks in, and by then the problem ought to be easier to explain. Worth a try?

Time for serious conversations. Show them the amount they have spent and their income. Show how there is almost no returns or money back. Get them to agree to give up credit cards entirely and only use cash to purchase items - a set amount kept in the wallet each week. Or, they might agree to a prepaid debit card (fees on those are horrendous) which you load with a set amount each week.

Unfortunately, you may need to be the one to follow up on the scams. Contact each company and demand repayment. Work with your parents' bank and Better Business Bureau on this. You may have to file police reports so the crooks get caught - and stop victimizing other vulnerable seniors.

As POA you can cancel their card and make arrangements for reduced amount owed if necessary. Also redirect their mail to you (we had to do this for Mom) which you can do online. My Mom fell for these scams/identity theft to the tune of $30,000 before we knew anything. Fortunately the bank reimbursed her after MUCH investigation on my part. Good luck!!

I agree with all who have said to get them prepaid debit cards. My own mother has “misunderstood “ some of the purchases she’s made from those TV ads too. She didn’t see on an invoice one time that by buying whatever fly by night thing it was to save her teeth or whatever, it signed her up for, Jewelry of the Month,” charged to her credit card every month for $30.00. She called her credit card to report it but they told her that not understanding the terms of sale ( when it’s in fine print) doesn’t constitute fraud. Hearing that from the CC company was way more effective than me telling her. She has lost a lot of money on rip off remedies so I told her to ask me about it before she buys.

It took me a while to realize that money spending was curing her boredom, but when I found boxes and boxes of brand new unopened things I hit the roof. She was hiding her rip offs from me because she was embarrassed. “You can survive embarrassment,” I told her, “but being broke not so much.” Several trips to the post office later I think she got a third of her spendings back.

1) if you are paying for cable t.v., you may able to program what channels are available to your parents. Call customer service or recruit a teenager. If that is not an option, switch services to one that you can program what channels are available. Remove those channels that sell miracle stuff late at night.
2) if you think that they are getting scam phone calls, there are cell phones that are marketed to parents of young children. There is a half dozen numbers that the phone can call out to or receive numbers from.
3) There are 3 credit reporting agencies. Write a letter to all 3 and include a copy of the power of attorney to not extend credit to your parents. State that you are making this request to protect them from exploitation of vulnerable adults.
4) Try contacting the credit card company to reduce the credit limit to just above the current balance, before taking away their credit cards.

You risk your parents withdrawing the power of attorney. So, walk the line of taking reasonable steps, yet preserving their dignity and agency.

I've gone through this also. My mother fell for every "sweepstakes," for every "you've won a car," and every scammer who called - and they ALL called because I'm sure her name and address were on every single list scammers buy and sell amongst themselves. She had her bank account totally cleared out multiple times within a few months. I was always the one spending hours upon hours making calls and sending emails and looking stuff up, trying to get her money back. Thankfully in most cases I was able to but those times were because her bank had allowed unauthorized access to her account even though her account had been flagged and wasn't supposed to be accessible. Eventually the bank wanted to throw her out, close her account and I don't blame them. The issue took a huge toll on our relationship as I was always the one it all fell on to correct the situation and get her money back and to find a way to prevent her from doing more. Here's my solution to my problem:

1. We made my son her financial POA. It would've been me but by that time I'd become my mother's enemy in all of this because I wouldn't let her "win money."
2. ONLY my son has access to her bank account, not even she can access it on her own. He goes to her bank once a month to withdraw her Social Security check and get a money order for the rent, which is what her check is used for. There are no automatic withdrawals coming out of her account.
3. She can no longer have online access to her bank account and neither can anyone else.
4. I spent months and months trying to deal with the issue of phone calls from scammers. She'd actually formed "friendships" with these scammers and they'd talk to her for an hour or more, getting information and making her think they were friends. I tried blocking the numbers, then blocking the partial numbers because they simply change the last 4 digits of their phone numbers to get around any blocks. I tired answering the calls before she could. Nothing worked. I eventually ended up having the land line removed and now we only have my cell phone. This was the ONLY thing that finally stopped the calls.

My mother does not have a check book or a debit or credit card. She literally has a checking account in name only, my son is the one who accesses it. Now that her dementia has progressed she really isn't aware of this anyway, she thinks she goes to the grocery store and buys this or that.

I'd recommend taking the credit cards away. Yes they'll be angry and it'll be very difficult to do but you must choose between that and having your parents in so much financial hot water. I'd even look into parental locks on the internet to where maybe they cannot look up the sites they're looking up (I'm not sure but I think there are security programs where you can block certain types of sites like those get rich quick sites).

From going through this for so long with my mother I can tell you that trying to convince them, explaining to them, even proving to them that these are scams will not work. I tried that do many times, I even showed my mother the government website that talks about different types of scams and what not to fall for - it did not help at all.

I wish you luck - it really was a terrible experience for me, it seemed to last forever, I did not want to take the huge steps I ended up taking but once I did there was at least some very much welcomed peace.

If these charges are on the credit cards call and stop the payment on them if you are able.
Are your parents suffering from Dementia?
If not you cannot use a POA to stop them because they still have a right, without a diagnosis to spend their money as they like.
My advice is to see an elder care attorney at once and pray it is someone with some good advice as to what you can and cannot do.
I doubt you will get back the money if no stop payment can be accomplished. You will likely not get it back from any company. You may need to seek guardianship over their money. I hate to tell you this, but there are elders who have lost literally 100s of thousands of dollars. There are scamsters that actually have them picked up by limo to go and get gamecards and such at stores. Please do all you can and do it fast. Canceling the cards won't deny them access to accounts. The scammers will mark them and share them and the money can go fast. I am so sorry. Please seek the help you can right away. You are going to have to act in their best interest if you are ABLE. If you are unable the POA itself cannot protect them. If you are able to get money moved from their account to CD without early withdrawal that may help protect some money. I hope others have information for you. But I would say see a lawyer.

When I was POA for my brother (at his request) I had to let the Credit Card Companies know his new address at Senior Living, and I had all bills sent to me, which I paid out of his Trust as his Trustee. The credit card company sent me a letter saying that I was help responsible to let them know of any change in mental capacity which would preclude my brother having responsibility for his credit spending. They made it clear that if I as POA and Trustee let these cards remain, I was responsible to pay his expenditures. I think a call to the credit card companies as POA (you would have to send the documents) would get the credit cards shut down. That doesn't mean, however, they cannot get new ones and doesn't mean they can't get access to accounts. And if they are not mentally challenged with some dementia I am uncertain you can do this.