Seeking advice and education, 95+ yr old father resisting showers, and feels isolated even when caregiver is in the next room.
Hello. Over the past many years I have found solace and education from this forum that I have not found elsewhere. This is not a dire situation. I am interested in helping myself and my mother (primary caregiver) to understand what is happening with my 95+ year old father. He has dementia, and has trouble seeing and hearing. However, he is often completely "with it", can mostly attend to personal needs, and can communicate with people when they are near him. Recently there have been two developments that are upsetting my mother: he is refusing to shower, and, he is expressing concern when my mother is in the kitchen or bathroom. Have you experienced this type of behavior? Do you have any insights and/or advice? Thank you all. I appreciate this Forum and everyone who contributes.(Sorry about NastyMom name, wish I could change it, don't want to create new account.) Forum headings: Dementia, Family Caregiver, Daily Living, Hygiene, Mental Health
What to do? Dad must stay clean. Hiring a bath aide might help but your H is still going to have the above objections. Three bath aides could force him to shower. That's how many it takes in my husband's memory care unit. Three for him. Sometimes they give up and use large pre-moistened towels made for that purpose. He still might not like it. This is serious business because they can get combative and violent over it. My H raised his fists to me. He was violent toward aides. He's medicated now and submits, but not always.
Your best hope is for him to be in a care facility. They're used to it, they can cajole, distract, hold them in place or whatever it takes to keep them clean. They are professionals, and this is why professionals exist.
"Oh, but we promised we'd never 'put' dad in a 'home'." That's an uninformed promise that no one should ever make. EVER.
Maybe a sponge bath at the sink may work if he is shower resistant. You can try soaking his feet in a warm foot tub while sitting and massaging the feet with a nice lotion afterwards. Also, you can wipe down his legs during this process as well. Use a separate basin of water for the legs.
I had a client who was shower resistant. I was doing good to be able to wash the bottom half after an adult brief change. I would try later to get the top half washed. She didn't use water on her face and preferred face cream as a cleanser.
But if it's the first I mentioned, then it may be time that your mom helps get your dad in the shower and also helps wash him up, making sure that all the safety measures have been taken, slip proof shower matt, grab bars, shower bench and hand held shower head. That way she can make sure that he's good and clean and it might make your dad feel better knowing she's there to help him.
Before my late husband became bedridden, I had to help him in his walk in shower, wash him up and then help him out and dry him off.
We have to do whatever is needed to keep our loved ones safe and clean.
Shower - mmm my daddy refuse to shower but he was never stinky he would go in the bathroom and clean up what needed to be cleaned. When he went to the facility and could not stand for a long time we had him on hospice and they sent a showering nurse twice a week to do that and he complied with the nurse.
I don't know about the wanting to be with someone constantly but try those kids poppers so he can hold on to something and fiddle with his hands maybe. My daddy loved coloring those adult coloring books also my daddy loved placing stickers on a piece of paper. It kept him busy and I could do something else. Remember to think outside the box. A prayer has been said for you and yours! ((hugs))!