Today while my sister, cousin, and I were out shopping Mom called and said someone tried to break into her house but didn't want us to call the sheriff(this puts up a red flag to me). We were close to the sheriff's office so we went in and reported it and they sent a sheriff out and we were right behind them. Well Mom got so mad at us for calling the sheriff and was really rude to us. This brought up another red flag...did this really happen or was she doing this for attention. The sheriff said that normally break ins do not happen during the day time but sometimes they do. Mom would not go home with any of us said that she was fine and she would just stay home(another red flag went up). When I got home my hubby said that Mom had just called him about 5 minutes before I called to inform him that I was going over to Mom's because someone had tried to break in. He said Mom didn't mention anything about anyone trying to break in, all she wanted to know was where we were. He told her we were out shopping and she said bye---so this combination of things makes me wonder if Mom really did have someone trying to break in.
I called my sister who lives out of town and told her not to mention to Mom about me telling her about what had happen but to call and ask how her day went. Mom did tell her about the suppose breakin but said the person was driving either a green van or station wagon...she told us and sheriff that it was a green station wagon.
I do have Mom a emergency call button that she finally will wear around her neck and the sheriff told her to push that if this happened again. I mentioned to the sheriff that Mom said someone was ringing her doorbell almost every morning around 2AM & sometimes at 4AM...Mom didn't say a word when I told him that.
A cousin was with us and when we came home she told me that Mom really needed to be in a facility that she was pass that point. Now at least I have someone else that sees, what my siblings wont', that Mom needs not be by herself.
My sister who is POA will not deal with this and even though she came to Mom's when I called her she still doesn't think anything is wrong. My sister, as I posted earlier, is leaving the day after Christmas for the winter and won't be back for 5-6 months. Mom is also wondering outside(Pond behind her house) and is going to the mailbox in her night gown top...no pants on and it's cold here.
My sister did tell the sheriff that Mom is leaving doors open...which by the way I've been telling my sister this forever..while she's asleep on the couch.
The middle of next month I will, I hope it will be, my finally surgery for this cancer and I truly can not handle Mom on my own.
How do I get my sister to do something in 2 1/2 weeks? Thanks
I am very glad you called the Agency for Aging lady. She is right. Your mom needs to be in a care center. She is a disaster waiting to happen. You don't need a mediator. You need someone who can make the placement happen. And you need to stop relying on your sisters to do that.
Would your mother consider making you POA? (I can't remember if that is has come up before.)
Call APS. Tell them you shortly will not be able to help your mother. Tell them what the Agency for Aging worker said. Tell them that your sisters cannot be relied on to give mother adequate care. See what their suggestion is.
What you have tried since October is not working. Try something else. Bring in outside professionals.
My sincere best wishes to you, on resolving care for your mother and on your upcoming surgery.
I've read there was some type of mediator for this type of thing...where do I find that?
No, by no means am I in denial. I just want things in their place before my sister leaves and I want a plan of action for Mom. I do not want to find my Mom hurt or something worse and since I'm going to be down shortly myself, I sure can't do things myself. Thanks
Anyone can call APS -- a neighbor, the mailman, anyone concerned that the vulnerable adult is at risk. You don't have to have POA to ask for an investigation. My sisters (none of them with POA) were able to arrange a lot of in-home care help for our mother. POA is about financial transactions and legal decisions, like signing a contract. It won't stop you from talking to health and welfare agencies.
Last night she called me and was slurring her words really bad as well as this morning. I called one of my siblings and they said "Oh well, she must be taking more of that pain meds"!
Thanks for all your suggestions...I'm going to make calls tomorrow but I'm not sure how much I can get done since I'm not Mom's POA especally in our state. Hugs!
Her being outside in the cold with only a night gown on really concerns me. Plus a few days ago while I was over there she turned on the gas stove and waited to light it and flames just flew up and there was a poof sound. It really scared me. I told my siblings...and you won't believe this... and they said they couldn't take everything away from Mom that she will be ok. I told them about a friend who said her Mom did that and got caught on fire but did not die from burns but from the smoke. One of my siblings said that the stove has always done that....I have never seen that before.
Thanks for your help and reminder. Hugs!
But, your real issue is that no one else is willing to deal with your mother's needs. You cannot. You must prepare for and then recover from surgery.
My first thought is that you should call Social Services, but since you do not have POA and someone else does, I'm not sure how that would work. So ... maybe it would be best to call Adult Protection Services. You mother is vulnerable and she is not getting sufficient care. Explain your own medical situation. Your mother will probably insist that she is fine and I don't know if APS can do anything in that case, but I think I would give a call and see what happens.
It sounds like your cousin is right. Mother is beyond the point where she can be on her own.