I took my mother home last night, the social workers at the ER reached out to APS last week and I got an order from the courts to take her home because she had no medical reason to be in the ER.
I have an emergency hearing on next Tuesday because of the APS call from the hospital. My question is two fold, what exactly happens when the state takes over? My attorney has told me that community guardians are overworked and understaffed so they do cut a lot of corners when it comes to care.
What experience do others have with community guardians. My attorney told me it is a coin flip and it is extremely difficult to switch them.
I am also afraid they are going to try and use that my mother is doing well against me, has anyone gone through that? Where they try and frame your parents well being as a reason to not give up because their quality of life is not going to be the same. How did you navigate that situation.
If you're unable to be a competent guardian and find your mother a memory care facility, the state will. APS is trying to scare you because they don't want to use any resources for a case like your mother's. APS because of the current "government efficiency" nonsense going on in Washington is basically working on a budget of next to nothing. So, a senior like your mother who appears clean, well-nurished, and thriving is not going to be a priority to them even if you refuse to continue caring for her. You're going to have to get her placed youself, or if the court removes you as guardian like you've requested, they will find a place.
Find her a memory care facility and place her. You may as her adult child and next-of-kin have to keep her for a few weeks until there's an available bed in a memory care facility somewhere in your state. Or until your name is removed as guardian. So instead of paying big bucks to your lawyer who is doing nothing for you, spend that money you're shelling out on some temporary homecare until you get your mother into memory care.
Also, medicating a person to make them less co-dependent is abuse. This is not a valid medical/psychiatric condition which is why no doctor is helping you out. In fact, you should be ashamed of yourself that you'd even ask that. Elders with dementia are medicated for real conditions like anxiety, agitation, depression, aggression, dementia- related psychosis, and hyper-sexuality. Not because they're needy and their adult children think they're too dependent.
Find a care facility for your mother and place her. As I said, you may actually have to be her guardian for a little while until a bed becomes available somewhere.
Our OP has tried to place mom. Everyone doesn't want her. They say she would require one on one care and they will not medicate her against her will, and I guess this is falling into MENTAL incapacity and not physical as in dementia because she is exercising the rights that those with mental incapacity can use.
I think perhaps this OP is caught in a bit of an existential nightmare. Not sure.
I am really relieved that you have legal help. I think it is badly needed.
People as bad as or much worse than your mother are every single day placed into care.
Why that isn't happening here I can only wonder.
I do wish you the best, unamused.
Hope you will update us after the court date.
Like I said, invite them to imprison, house and feed you. At least then they will have to appoint someone else to Mom's guardianship.
I wish you all the best for the better! Where there's life, there's hope.
That's part of the problem. They now have her in that position and won't let her go.
She will need court permission for everything and is accountable to the court and won't get out of guardianship and is unable to get mom off her hands even IF/WHEN she is ill.
That's guardianship for you and what I have learned I would never be one.
What if OP has a serious auto accident and ends up in ICU, or permanently disabled/paralyzed? What happens to Mom then?
Or, what if OP has a serious accident and dies? What happens to Mom then?
What I gather is that Mom must have one-to-one care mainly to EAT. She can bathe, toilet, dress herself. She can't communicate well, because she speaks her own (homemade) language. OP says without one-on-one, the problem is Mom "wanders off/gets into trouble." Isn't that the hallmark of MC, to keep patients from wandering/escaping at all times? The primary reason for placement in MC?
I would also think if Mom needs total help to eat, she would be fed similar to other dementia patients that require help eating (such as to prevent choking)? Thus, in between meals, she can wander the locked floor she is on, that prevents her escape, right?
How does Mom now attend adult programs during the day, which usually serve snacks or lunches? Must OP attend with her the entire time? Can Mom drink water or juice without OP holding a cup for her? Must it be the OP only, and Mom refuses an aide? If Mom eats 3 (assisted) meals a day (say 3 hrs), what about the other 13 hrs a day (21 hrs. less 8 hrs. sleeping)? Does Mom require a sitter those hrs, mainly to prevent wandering? The MC already prevents that with lockdown conditions. Thus Mom does not REQUIRE one-on-one 24/7?
These are all reasonable arguments that could possibly get Medicaid to drop the one-on-one requirement that is preventing Mom's placement.
Just throwing this out there to possibly help OP's case.
Thank God for POA, with my two family backups when I could no longer help Mom until she passed away at 95. I truly believed our faith helped us survive!
I hope everything gets better for you soon.
When we petitioned to get guardianship of MIL, we had to provide a care plan on how her needs were to be met. We were told if there were any changes or problems arose, we were to return to the court for further instructions. THAT was our only option as guardians and was an expense we were told upfront would be ours to pay.
IMHO, your only option is to return to the court for further instructions.